evicted, what do you do? THIS IS THE MANUAL
                    you need...

As a Hollywood stargazer in a recession hit city, L.A. SOCALIF, I hear from a lot of people who are on the verge of total eviction. When that happens, I send them this article EVICTION DANGERS and this one you're in now, (SURVIVAL MODE)  and remind them that a happy outcome is a matter of acting with speed.

A). immediately, ( while you have the space )you have, hold a garage sale. Get on curb with all your stuff, big signs at all major traffic arteries with big arrows on them, saying "GARAGE SALE 4th St. corner Jackson Ave TODAY 1-4 PM," painted on super market boxes, torn apart, painted white, tied on phone pole with heavy cord. Use big colorful letters!) At the house, have balloons on fence, lots of change, dollar bills, dimes, quarters. Sun hat, ice chest wi drink and food. You are not going back in the house for a second. So have a fabulous Stiegg  Larsson novel on your table --the kind you can't put down. You under your hat and umbrella w. SUNSCREEN on any body part taking the sun. ALL CASH and change ON YOUR PERSON not near anyone's hand.

Let no people INSIDE. You don't want people clocking your stuff for a future burglary so take paintings off walls, store in back bedroom. TV too. You also want no one going through back rooms away from sight. You don't want your naive roomie or KID indoors running the living room sale, not with these sly gypsies we got nowadays. EVERYONE OUTDOORS or...alt route, ONE PERSON OUTDOORS, the most sly and fast on his feet has to be INDOORS with a can of mace. Jot down license plate numbers as the clients pull up, and give them a DOUBLE printed form, a kind of  ticket, like a parking valet.  TICKET READS. "HOLD THIS FOR ME and blank spaces, A to Z " The Copy is a duplicate and you ask them to fill in their email and phone number. NEXT, they must leave bags and purses in their car. This sells the idea that they are being PERMITTED to come near.

IF you have a pal as a second SALESMAN, ONE of you CAN escort the client thru FRONT ROOM ONLY. That means your goods are spread out on couches, dining table, desks. That means having plenty of big furniture pieces you're selling to hold up the smaller merchandise in that room. DOOR TO HALLWAY is shut or blocked. KEEP an eye on them. Not a month ago, I was in driveway talking to sweetest FIJIAN couple interested in free plants. (My Craigs list ad, which says lots of INTERESTING LANDSCAPING PLANTS, for bag of potting soil.) Went inside for a moment and she took the big, lacy rattan basket and put it in their 45k value truck. And the woman weighed 250 pounds. She was FAST and shameless in front of hubby. And a shit to ME who had offered her free plants. Who knew there were gypsies in FIJI! Thieves are people with insufficiency issues, maybe they grow everywhere but they sure grow 'em big in FIJI!

B.) EVICTION the LEGAL ROUTE - File a legal answer form to the eviction papers, filing at the city office for eviction matters. YOU WILL STALL landlord and you may WIN and you may get some huge moving money. File a waiver of  fees due to your 'indigency'. That way the entire eviction process is free to you, otherwise it's 75 to 100$. This filing back in the landlord's face will buy you many months living in the apartment or house until you go to court with your landlord. For more on eviction tech, go to and seek the file called CONFESSIONS OF A BOTTOM FEEDER.

B-1)- Consider going bankrupt. Chapter 7. Read 'RAINMAKER' By Grisham as his main character does it. Google Chapter 7 which is a MODE of going bankrupt, it is not a chapter in a book. Google "Bankruptcy LAWS " online. Do your own papers, any one can figure them out. List debts. You can't be thrown off property if you're going bankrupt. UNLESS THEY CHANGED THE LAW......THEY MAY HAVE so google this. You can go into court with your proof or another option, quit the whole process just before the final meeting with judge. It buys you time. A few months. So you can save money for first and last on a new apartment.

C.) NEW ROOMIES - Search craigs list for a HOUSE FOR RENT. 2500$ seems costly but with a roomie it's $1250, a mere nothing. So quick put your ROOM MATE TARZAN CALL out onto CRAIGS LIST. My first ad to rent one room in my house brought 30 responders. I did a character/ mind check easily from their emails and clocked them in an instant, so picking was easier than I thought. One among the thirty was EXACTLY what I wanted : Rich, employed full time, NEVER around due to this terrific job. Her fame as  a food critic, reporter, radio star was all over the internet. Boy is she clean. MAN can she cook!

SECOND choice: call every pal in your phone book to find a place to land after judge makes his decision, that could be two months away. Or more. Offer to pay your friend part of their rent in exchange for a back room. Tell them "I'll put ALL my stuff in storage as your back room is furnished, right? And I'll just keep this season's clothes in that single closet," or in your suitcase and keep it under the bed. NOTHING will be out, in sight, tell them.The one thing they don't want to hear is that they gotta live with your sofa/ etc. washer/ UNLESS they need such. Tell them it's pro tem "if you don't want it longer" but say "if you do let me stay on, I can contribute. I will do the dishes, sweeping and vacuuming from now on. THOSE THINGS tempt a woman pal quite a lot. "Half the food in the house will be mine, and I won't eat yours ever. " Make those vows in front. Only select the housekeeping chores that you can stand to do. Note that listening to TALK RADIO makes dishes real easy. But will your houselord let you? You have to say, 'when I do dishes, I require radio." Otherwise, when there's a breakdown in vows, you're on the hook.

If you're a man or woman, TRY SAME SEX members as roomies only as a second recourse as living with an opp-sex member is tooooo tricky. One of my astrology clients is about to move, she has to.. she plans the Date she saw 2x. VERY DANGEROUS. Not cuz he's dangerous but because the relationship is totally half baked. Unripe as a green peach. TRICKY, Could blow up in their faces. A stranger is better. Check out  THE ROOMIE SELECTION MANUAL -- the lists for ROOM MATE FINDERS that are online in this article. CRAIGS LIST also reliable. 

Do this roomie/garage sale thing immediately, on both barrels. Meaning a two track approach. And when people come to your garage sale, show photo of cat and say 'junior needs a home, he's box trained. he's young, he seems to understand thing, very smart." etc.

D.) NOW GIVING AWAY THE PET: Your new landlord may take ONE cat or dog but not ALL OF THEM So make a SOPHIE's CHOICE and find the extra cats or dogs HOMES.  Forget about Freebie ads in papers for an adult cat. Some oriental will turn him into kabobs and a coat. I don't mean orientals born in USA only recent arrivals or seniors who remember famine in CHINA. In fact, NEVER give a cat to any born poor/foreign oriental. I know first hand that they keep kittens in desk drawers overnight. You can ask me how I know. (astrology at earthlink net) Asians can't help it. KOREANS are the worst as you know. They went thru starvation and learned to prefer dog and cat to chicken!

NEXT, use the diamond days and hours that I give you in your dailies, (Anita Sands on facebook). Jupiter days, Venus days to do all the work associated with getting a place to live in. Like phoning parents, aunts, uncles for loans. Like interviewing NEW landlords. Break up the loan cash so one doesn't pay a thousand but three relatives loan 300$. Lots of phoning other folks up, and make your propositions. Can you float me a Loan? Can I live there? I will do all your garden & housework and car repair in exchange for rent? And use a golden day to introduce your pet to his/her new owner.

E.) NEXT, GET SOCIAL SECURITY AID TO THE TOTALLY DISABLED. Your lame leg? your lame brain? Either works. Call them now, make appt. They send you to a shrink to talk for a half hour max. Babble about 'please doc, I don't mind voices if it's GOD or angels. I may be hearing my guardians. But some of them...(eyes move back and forth,) are not nice people. I want to exclude THEM. Is there a pill?"

Works every time. Play schizy for the doctor. ON YOUR meeting may I suggest you:
1) never once look the shrink in the eyes unless it's a very deeply felt question to him.
2.) fidget with your hands, keep asking, 'do you have gum?' Then amend it, ask 'do you have a gun?' Do you believe in keeping a gun? Or mace is better, right?
3.) talk about your being in love with famous men (or women,) who disappointed you, as that's a classic symptom of something real real wrong... how they screwed you over, married this other movie star instead of you, how they didn't pay you when you worked for them, etc. how you vounteered to be their office and typist and research slave, and worked for months without pay and they betrayed you and your love for them, threw you into the street and how you stalked them for a year afterwards.
4) Oh here's a good one. Tell the shrink how Brad Pitt talks to you on the television or at the movie theatre. When you watch him, he talks directly to you. (Change the name to Bernard Shaw of CNN -- any of these work (THIS ARTICLE IS DATED. WHO IS THE BIG NEWS PERSON NOW? I only watch RT.COM on my PC). Tell the shrink how these people have 'messages' for you. And how you're trying to get their attention and are writing them and planning on visiting them but they don't answer to tell you where they live. Then later, out of nowhere, do you think Bernard Shaw lives in Atlanta?

YOU WILL GET THAT MONEY SO FAST it will make your head spin Then you get 700$ a month. With that much cash coming in, you can make ends meet by doing a massage or two for very ritzy women, l00$ each. Do some house cleaning, 75$ a day. And live like a queen or King.

I did this Social Security phone call for my son. They don't require you the parent go in. There's just one 800 number for all Social Security across America. Then, they send you forms, you fill them out, then they give you an appt with a nearby doctor. He got SSI and MED-I-CARE. But I could never get a shrink to see him.

He had a year before gotten his first apartment, was solo living. I didn't realize it but he was  not  eating well, was working too long hours, coffee all day and beer and TV all night instead of sleep. Used credit cards to go to France. Hotels were surprisingly costly so he slept in parks, ate out of trash cans. On this regimen, he got paranoid schizophrenic - -- came home to California, to his job then HE quit as a messenger driver for a big photography lab, advertising-creation factory, because he started fearing folks in traffic were trying to kill him.. (They just drive really badly in L.A.) He wasn't fired. Being a sweet cutie, his boss adored him. Was like the only father he'd ever had. My son then took his latest salary check and his nearly dead plastic and went to EUROPE AGAIN, this time SPAIN. Again, no money for hotels or food, slept in parks. Ate black coffee and water. Came back really loony tunes, over the brink, auditory hallucinations and I didn't know it, he had stopped eating and sleeping and became a street-wandering delusional.

I cancelled his apartment and brought him home. I tried to get free psychs, there were none in LA. 75$ the hr was cheapest at DEDE HIRSCH CLINIC,  The famous charity, THALIANS, run by movie stars thought 150$ was cheap for an hour with a shrink. Another, smaller freebie charity  wouldn't touch him, He was beyond what THEY dealt with.

I made appt at SOCIAL SECURITY for him. telling him  'when you go into meet the social security shrink, don't tell them why you're daffy, never mention beer  (cuz they won't give cash to alkies.) Just go in and be yourself, talk about anything you want. Whatever they ask you, just go on talking. Real friendly like, remember they want to help people.) HE DID just that, had no agenda. I don't know what questions they asked him or how they saw he was dinky but they did. They gave us 800$ a month more or less. FOR LIFE ....but within months, he got locked in a mental hospital. Most people qualify, then every two yrs or so they go to a shrink.....they check you're nuts, again have a meeting and again talk about your plans for stalking Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie. A SMALL ENOUGH PRICE TO PAY! Unfortunately middle of night he biked to his old job, 25 miles away on the other side of the HOllywood Hills as I'd been evicted when my landlord for the last 23 years had died. I had moved to the EL CHEAPO CITY  known as SAN FERNANDO VALLEY...went over fence, comforted by 'his place' then he spotted an airplane he thought was in crisis up in the air and lit a fire to warn airplanes (?) and the arson squad and gov threw him in the State nut house. Can't get him out. He got well, with medicine but they won't let him out. cuz they think he's Kozinski. Well, they did once, but he left the halfway house so they punished him with another ten years of lock up. But you are not crazy. You will just use the 800$ a month to fund a start-up,  a cottage industry, a GUERILLA CAPITALIST ENTREPRENEUR BUSINESS of some kind so like Scarlett O'Hara said, "I'll never be evicted again!"

I'll never be hungry again, Scarlett O'Hara