ON BEING LOVE-ABLE
A new astrology client wrote me that his wife had walked out on him. He wrote me, "I was with her for four years. I always tried to get away from her, I wasn't sure sometimes that I loved her. I came home late, went out drinking with the guys, worked weeks on end in other cities, you name it, I did it. She's a good girl and she loved me to death but I really hurt her feelings so many times that finally she'd had enough and boom, she divorced me. There was no talking her out of it. Now she's gone and I miss her but the problem is that I'm not sure if I'm really in love with her. I know I love her. But see, I do NOT want to go and try to get her back.
Why? I asked. “Because then I realize that I was just lonely or that I don't really want to be with her and hurt her feelings again! How can I know for sure? Please do my horoscope, let me know. "
I wrote him that I didn't need to do any horoscope and told him by e-mail "your problem is not in the amount of love that you two had, nor if it was real or not nor is it whether love is in your future or was in your destiny or wasn't --or if you get her or don't get her. NONE of these are the real NUB of the matter. The matter is that you don't know your own heart. Your heart is not hard, but your habits are. Your manners and daily thoughtlessness are just untrained. Mom didn't teach you to appreciate, show gratitude, praise, for no material reason, just to make people feel good. So no matter HOW much you love a girl or have a great courtship with her, you showed up as an oaf. The silences she endured were interpreted as no thrill, no romance in you. Your habit not your heart was born to create problems. You needed this pain to change little surface habits. You, beneath your lazy habits, are just great. Your wife abandoned a jewel in the rough.
The difference between little boys and men, is that grown up men know you have to earn a woman's love. Little boys think that love is like air ----- free, everywhere, stand up tall breathe deep and you get all you want, forever. HA! DREAM ON!
I know what makes men think the love, adoration things is natural in girls. Courtship is full of delicious highs, loving moments, ecstasies of the heart and fun events that make a girl fall hard for a guy. They take gorgeous walks in nature, swim at the beach, picnic, see movies holding hands, eat dinners out in fabulous cafes. So a guy expects that high voltage girl thing forever. They marry the girl, then marriage settles down to life mates, Room mates and very little of that plugged in gratuitous electricity. A good marriage depends on a man replacing the ecstasies of courtship with some impeccable, good manners! And a woman replacing that awestruck goofy smile with a memopad on her forehead.
I wrote him "YOU were not IN FEELING. You were OUT OF FEELING. You may be damaged from childhood experiences, you may be too focused on ego, that huge car you drive and gotta pay for, on the 80 hour job instead of a 40 hour week, and too focused on money and career to the point that when you get home you're too tired and worn out to even see how cute she is, how good her dinner was, or experience any fun together watching movies at home, or you're too blah mentally to enjoy dynamic conversations with her so that anything she says is a bore to you, and on weekends, you're snoring all day not going on nature walks, and hey, in general, you are too blitzed to feel loving. SHE STUCK with you for four years of that? She deserves sainthood!"
"There are many potential CAUSES of being OUT OF the heart or NON FEELING and over absorbed in life's junk instead of the real thing but there's only one CURE and it's very easy. It shouldn't take you more than one or two lifetimes. The cure is being balanced, utterly kind, pouring love onto other people lavishly, pouring fun, gifts, attention, kind words, good manners and stage managing thrilling events you can do in free time and making the free time and keeping your word about free time."
"The point about falling in love at first sight is that you have to work on it from that point onward. Now, it appears you have time to work on it. All the lifetimes you want. The cures for stony hearts that we know are reliable do not involve sweet talking a lady, buying her stuff so that she forgives you. No, the ultimate real cure is waking up, GETTING CONSCIOUS.
"You want to transform into a man who's instinctively and naturally reverent of sacred things, a loving girl, your sweetheart, wife, your vows to her to not play around, not drink or dope, your promise to come home at 5 pm for dinner. On time. And not leave her eating alone wondering who you're eating with.
"Smaller ways to become kind might entail having some religion, or doing some yoga, eating healthfoods so that you're lighter, more sensitive and don't need to club the brain with stimulants and coffee and cokes as all stimulants put you up in your brain, just make you pacy, greedy, thinky, paranoid, untrusting and mean. I refer to cokes, coffee but it could be interpreted as diet pills or harder stuff.
"In California folks achieve transformation focusing the brain on a quiet meditation, a few minutes to train the brain to stop jiving us, whipping us all the time, slowing down and not running around like a trumpeting bull elephant all the time.
And becoming lighter thru a vegan diet.....all these little adjustments to the machine will change our essence.
If this pain of loss of love sends you down any of these roads, it'll pay off. Within a few lifetimes (MAYBE THIS ONE if you're very good) you can attract and hold love. That is .... be loveable and be constant enough to KEEP someone ELSE loving and trusting you.
You mention that you varied in your affection many times but never once mention how that maybe was like a painful slap in her face every time. If a father said "honey, jump into my arms" and the infant or toddler jumped and dad took away his arms a few times, and the kid splatted on the ground........that child would soon wander off and find another love and it sure wouldn't be DAD!
So you splatted the wife who loved you and finally didn't love you enough to get hurt all the time. She moved on. What's the problem? Four years were lost by the girl? She'll recover.
What I see most of the time is some gals are loving enough, forgiving enough to lose THIRTY years. As I tell women, and mostly I advise the female sex ... you can lose a lot of GOOD years on a BAD man. That girl ought to pay you for what she learned from those few years. Now, the second she sees an uncommitted man running around like a bull elephant absorbed in money making, or indulging his body in food, drink, drugs, travel without her, or cheesy affairs, she'll run the other way. Most younger women don't have that 'getaway' instinct built into them.
She won't put in more good years on a bad man. Of course, there is a danger for someone who has been hurt. They become gun - shy, wary of the thing that hurt them. As Mark Twain said, A cat that leapt up on a hot stove won't leap up on a hot stove twice. The problem is, he won't leap up on a cold one either." meaning he won't be able to find a nice raw chop as easily. So I hope she doesn't shy away from love all together.
You both learned something. You learned to be polite to be loving, giving to women, stay pure for your woman and to pour sugar on her every minute. She learned to avoid twerps. So who says things don't happen for the best? What 'don't kill ya makes ya stronger! One man's disaster is another man's transformative odyssey."
I sent that off in the email. There was a resounding silence. He didn't write me back! What a rude putz! Unfeeling chaps are frequently unmannerly and this kind is always real un-redeemable! Oh well, at least they don't get into the gene pool, do they! Look on the bright side! Nice girls leave them and they always marry some stripper who produces a Charlie Manson son who usually doesn't breed for reasons of being in state institutions! And the family lineage stops right there. So by the laws of DARWIN, we should have LESS crumb-bums walking around each century, no? So how come there are so many rude men on this planet today?
Is it because women are breeding with worthless worms before they find out who and what he is? Separated from him or divorced, the boy child has no role model and just callouses like a turtle shell. So the mean man is a self-perpetuating race. How can we stop that cycle? Seek avidly to sophisticate yourself. Emulate gurus or men you consider successful with their wives and families, even if they're sitcom daddies like the Brady's Bunch.
<===BACK TO "BUILD YOUR SENSITIVITY" the path to a brilliant, spiritual NEW AGE MIND
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Our POSTER is ANITA SANDS HERNANDEZ, Los Angeles Writer, Futurist & Researcher, mother of 4 and career Astrologer. Catch up with her websites, all of them mentioned at THE UTOPIA PAGE, and one by one, there's TRUTHS GOV WILL HIDE & NEVER TELL YOU, also The FUTURE, WHAT'S COMIN' AT YA! FRUGAL LIFE STYLE TIPS, HOW TO SURVIVE the COMING GREAT DEPRESSION, and Secrets of Nature, HOLISTIC, AFFORDABLE HEALING. Also ARTISANRY FOR EXPORT, EARN EUROS....* Anita is at astrology @earthlink.net ). Get a 35$ natal horoscope "my money/future life" reading now + copy horoscope as a Gif file graphic! No smarter, more accurate career reading out there!
<=== BACK TO "HOW TO FIND A TRUE MATE WITH BRAINS"
<=== BACK TO "DONE WELL, ACTIVISM IS A DELIGHT and IT CREATES CAREERS for YOU as well as PLANETARY EVOLUTION and gives you BRAINY FRIENDS"
<=== BACK TO TRACKING THE ECONOMY, an INDEX PAGE
<===BACK TO MONEY SECRETS ONLY THE EXPERTS KNOW
<=== BACK TO SECRETS THE GOV DOES NOT WANT YOU TO KNOW
<===BACK TO THE SECRETS OF THE OLIGARCHS, THE EMPIRE INDEX PAGE
<=== SHOW ME THE FIX INDEX PAGE.
<== SHOW ME THE HAPPY R)EVOLUTION PAGE
<=== BACK TO "GUERILLA CAPITALISM" -- THE SOLUTION!
<==== BACK TO THE "VITAL SIGNS OF A DYING ECONOMY" the "FUTURE" WEBPAGE
<==== BACK TO THE WALL STREET MELTDOWN WEBSITE, "WHAT TO DO TO SURVIVE" TIPS
<=== BACK TO ENRON PLANET, the DOOMSDAY SCENARIO ALL CEOS ATTEMPT.
<====BACK TO THE HOLISTIC GOURMET, BON MARCHE
<=== BACK TO THE FRUGAL ARTISAN IMPORT/ EXPORT TYCOON AND HIS "STUFF"
<=== BACK TO THE GLEENERS PAGE
<=== HOW EVEN A POOR PERSON CAN BUY REAL ESTATE
<== BACK TO THE FUTURE INDEX PAGE
<=== BACK TO THE GENTLEMAN FARMER'S GARDEN INDEX
<=== INVESTIGATE DOING DRIP IRRIGATE- LINES in Drought State GARDENS for big $. Learn in l Hr at Home Depot
<=== BACK TO THE MALTHUSIAN INDEX PAGE
<===BACK TO THE PHILOSOPHY INDEX PAGE
<=== BACK TO THE LUCK IN LOVE WEBSITE
<== BACK TO THE PROPAGANDA STUDIES WEBSITE, HOW GOV LIES TO YOU
<=== BACK TO ALL POINTS OF THE COMPASS POLITICAL PHILOSOPHY TUTORIAL
<=== BACK TO JERRY'S REFRIGERATOR & the Tin Foil Hat Collection of CONSPIRACY THEORIES!
<====BACK TO THE FREE MONEY WEBSITE
<==== BACK TO THE HARD TIMES WEBSITE
<===== BACK TO THE POVERTY INDEX PAGE
<==== BACK TO THE "TIPS to SURVIVE THE FUTURE" INDEX PAGE
< ====== BACK TO THE "FIX YOUR FLAGGING AMBITION" SEMINAR
<== BACK TO THE SNOOKERED INDEX PAGE
<===BACK TO THE WEALTH 101 SEMINAR FOR TEENS
<==== BACK TO THE SHOW BUSINESS ARCHIVE
<====HOW TO TINKER WITH OTHER PEOPLE's BRAINS for 100$ an HR. but BE CAREFUL: call it TANTRUM YOGA.
<====BACK TO THE NEW AGE EMPOWERING INDEX
<===BACK TO "HOW TO MERCHANDISE YOURSELF" INDEX
<===BACK TO THE ALL ABOUT TAXES INDEX PAGE<=== BACK TO THE FRUGAL TIPS and CHEAPO LIFESTYLE WEBPAGE
<=== MEET ANITA SANDS WHO WRITES ALL THESE ARTICLES
<=== TAKE ME TO THE HOLISTIC PET, HOW NEVER TO NEED a VET
<===== TAKE ME TO THE SALMONELLA TIMES, HOW TO SAVE THE SUFFERING CHICKEN
<=== BACK TO THE TRUTHS ABOUT DENTISTRY THAT WILL SAVE YOU 100 THOUSAND!
<=== BACK TO THE SNOOKERED WEBPAGE, HOAXES WE HAVE ALL KNOWN & PREVENTION
<===BACK TO EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT WEB STUFF (for NEWBIES)
<===BEAUTIES, HOW TO MARRY A BILLIONAIRE AND SAVE THE WORLD with HIS MONEY
<=== BACK TO HOW THE POOR MAN CAN BUY REAL ESTATE SEMINAR<==== PORTAL TO THE 7 THOUSAND WEALTH 101 CLASSROOMS, ALL FREE TO YOU. DO WEBSITE& GET AD REVENUE
DOOCE.COM gal made 40k a MONTH in ad revenue.
<====== BACK TO THE LUCK IN LOVE WEBSITE