SURVIVAL INDEX - the NUMERO UNO CONVERSATION 101 classroom
 

LIVING IN  Los Angeles, home of the Big One, even at a Christmas feast, DEATH will always be a guest at the table.  Why? Cuz all kinds of death-threatening scenarios can happen at any damn second.  Freeway shootings happen DAILY in my town. Rivers rise up and swallow homes too close to their banks. Forest fires sweep through housing developments at the city's edge. Mountains landslide down on homes. Cliffs drop out from under and cliffhanging homes drop with them. Then, the San Andreas Fault is right under our feet, so Quakes in the 8.0 region are always on the guest list and the 4.1's happen daily. We have an offshore SEA SHELF created by Tectonic Plates at war, which if the two really punched one another out, would give the CITY OF L.A. a MEGA tsunami covering every house with brine. Last, GLOBAL WARMING. The ICE MELTING will raise the sea level, more than the 15 feet that happened ten thousand years ago.
DECIDE NOW HOW YOU WANT TO HANDLE LIFE'S UNDERTAINTIES!

Then there's the fact that BABYLON WEST is here and the Muslims know it. These snarly, macho types look at our movies and TV  and think we are insane devils polluting a clean world. How do you spell Savanarola in MUSLIM? You spell it B.O.M.B. CHARLIE SHEEN's house has probably got cross hairs on it as we talk. Then, the KINGDOM OF ISRAEL WEST is also situated here. The film studios that dot our city are all run by Jews, Zionists the terrorists call them. They are dangerous as they lobby Washington for Israel and raise huge money for Israel's needs. Half the producers, stars and directors are pro Israel. So a few atom bombs taking out a SYNAGOGUE and ten major studios wouldn't just end MOVIES; they'd take half the city with it. And surely the MUSLIMS  have mastered A-bomb tech from watching old Matthew Broderick movies.

Next, there's our huge ghetto, the entire southern and eastern edges of our city, filled with angry black and Latinos who hate the white man's guts. Amnesty to Wetbacks is as contemptible an effort (that will never make it) as scholarships to blacks were decades ago. White men picketed that one and ended the practice.

NEXT, a minor disaster, Morgellones Disease multi-color, itchy FUR is growing on all our bodies.. (SHUDDER). L.A. is the acknowledged, international world capital of  'the beautiful people' and just to show you that yang must follow yin, it is also the world capital of this weird disfiguring disease.

LAST, there is the danger of our own leaders, our bankers eating us up. WALL STREET hungers to swallow up the SOCIAL SECURITY administration, privatize it which awakens mental pictures of their sticking SSA into their drawers in the warmth of their crotch.

So that's our shit list. As Mort Sahl used to say, if there's any disaster I've offended by not mentioning it?

SO I get that we're a hair away from disaster but when the going gets tough, the tough get going. We ANGELENOS plan and we figure that we can SURVIVE THE DISASTER by having some minimal preparation and/or stuff on hand.

1.) Our BASIC    SHOPPING LIST.

2.) HIGH WATER?  WHAT TO DO IF the OCEAN moves into WEST L.A.?
  Point your rowboat at Mulholland and paddle? DISASTER SCENARIOS that could happen.

3.) A-BOMB? Is "DUCK AND COVER" still the best move?

4.) QUAKE MANAGEMENT 101 (coming)

5.) WHAT TO DO FOR MONEY?

6.) What to do for FOOD?

7). Can a food failure happen? FAMINE in the MODERN WORLD?

8.) WHO IS PROMULGATING THE DEATH SCENARIO RUMORS? And why? CUI BONUM?