TEN TOP WAYS TO NAIL AN ELUSIVE, DISTANT BOYFRIEND

10) LOOK TRIM! WORK OUT AT THE GYM minimum three times a week. Quit all carbs in any form,sugar, flour. WHITE FOODS go but also forgo grains that are brown, whole grains. 7 grams of carb is all you get til you get down to cowgirl weight..

9) DO NOT ALWAYS be available. Even if you're out dating those co-ed gym pick-up boys/ or nerds/ or coworkers/ or men who come to your bldg to fix stuff.......be OUT AND ABOUT and BUSY. Next, have that vow to the dumb-date guy be strong. YOU SAID you would be free to see him, no date breaking with the chaff bfs cuz Mr ADORED called! YA gotta put ADORED OFF if the vow to honor the other guy's date is in place.

8) NEVER CALL/ write/ email the one you want, NEVER. Never buy tickets, never suggest a type of date, like
theatre, concert. NO REACH out in any VISIBLE way at all!

7). DO INVISIBLE REACH OUT. Lie there in bed, roll around and call his name, shut your eyes, wrap your arms around his invisible form, SHOOT THIS IMAGE thru your third eye, across space toward his home. BE-witch him this way!

6.) "JUST FRIENDS" This is the magic phrase. He asks why aren't you free Friday night. Say "I'm seeing friends." "A GUY,?" "MAYBE but we're JUST FRIENDS." You are not boiling him alive this is a slow boil. More like a simmer. Nahh.. more like getting him HOT.

5.) Do the A LIST ACTIVITIES when you see him. A LIST STUFF might be A.) cooking him dinner at his apartment, (unless he has no cookware,). You have to wash dishes as you go so carry rubber gloves in your purse. You can't leave his kitchen a mess. Watching great movies/ DVD's.

b.) Spending the night ONLY so that you can get him to jog in the morning. Tell him, you want him to stay young, you do not jog but he should, so you will get him started. Can you sleep in the den? If he pushes sex, tell him the best excuse, that you'd get too involved, too crazy and it would really hurt you to get that way.

c.) Chicken soup ring bells? Yep, Jewish Penicillin. YOU HEAR HE IS ILL, show up with all kinds of holistic remedies. HOMEOPATHIC cold or flu remedy.You gotta know what disease exactly as homeo pills R-very very specific. HIS ILLNESS and you showing up with DINNER BELL!! W. games, magazines, books, batteries for TV REMOTE, his cold/flu pills, soup...and you LEAVE him items he will need, aspirin that is buffered, VIT C, Stack of organic, ripe lemons and a lemon squeezer, and onions. (SLIVERS stuck up the nose over boiling water steam tent you sneeze like a sonofagun and expel mucus. CUT onion into toothpicks, tickle inside up high, sinus area. BOY will you sneeze. Show him how not to spill boiling pot of water on his chest, too.

4.) VOLUNTEER to BRAVELY SLEEP over when he's ill, in case he needs help. Not necessarily in room where he is. THAT IS WHY we have the DINNER BELL! He rings it if he's unwell, wants water, etc.

3.) Occasionally show what a good momma you'd be by asking him offhandedly, WHEN DID YOU LAST SEE A DENTIST? 5 out of l0 guys haven't in years, and don't know a dentist and if he's one of those, you gotta handle it just like you would a recalcitrant child. Assure him it won't hurt, Make the appt. drive him, Wait for him.

2.) LOVE KIDS! If you have determined that this man is thinking of starting a family, Always, if you see a baby where you two are, Say AHHHHHHH, and go up to the mother and ask some dumb questions, and chuck the kid's chin and ask if you can hold him for a second. If you feel that's appropriate. OR, keep a rattle in your purse full time. HAND the baby a rattle saying, I found it at my gym....This kenning for a kid thing can drive a decided bachelor away fast! But it attracts the men who actually have thought it out and realized that youth doesn't last forever and it was trivial anyway and won't be missed.

1.) NUMBER ONE WAY TO NAIL a MAN is to NEVER SLEEP WITH HIM. You can fool around but no real sex. Hand squeezes and ear nibbling are OK. You gotta get him panting for the big stuff just occasionally, but only for a few seconds. The best is a back rub, a shoulder rub, a bottom of brain rub, a scalp rub, ear massage. That kind of thing really makes a man realize you're unusual. Now, if you have slept with him already, ---rules are diff. You cannot stop! You can cut down. You can cut way back. You can be unavailable a lot of the time but you can't suddenly "take the pussy off the market". That's ballbusting and they know it. Rent the DVD "RAW" starring Eddie Murphy if you don't believe that it engenders hostility. SUCH PUNISHMENT as taking it off the market..... is reserved for serious punishment time, probably only necessary in cases of MURDER or ADULTERY. EVERY COWGIRL CAN LASSO HER MAN, if she
                        follows these RULES. HOW TO GET A MAN TO MARRY
                        YOU

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