TALES OF A LIFE ILL-LIVED, PERFECT EXAMPLE FOR THE "GET SMART" GIRL TO STUDY!
by Anita Sands Hernandez (below)
I GOOFED! MONDAY MORNING QUARTERBACKING A $%(@&%$(#_*& LIFE!
I'm ashamed of the life I've lived. I was born super bright and trashed that gift by living on automatic pilot, just studying what PUBLIC schools taught, never taking researches further.
By being so blithe with life and by being used to standing still --watching it go by --- by habitually FORGETTING TO RESEARCH stuff going on around me, in Los Angeles, in WASHINGTON, I FORGOT to ask questions of my elders. I forgot to investigate. That means I ended up UNSTIMULATED and unexcited by the many VERY STIMULATING FEATURES of current reality. The adrenalin factor was missing and that leads to any person being blah, chitchatting about nonsensical subjects and ultimately AIMING too low in SOCIETY, because one forgets that only PEOPLE OF INFLUENCE change things.
Ever hear the stories about how JOE KENNEDY had all his kids, RFK, JFK and TEDDY STUDYING newspapers, Books. They would have to study world events, day in and day out and bring their thoughts to the dinner table, OR ELSE! Joe K Senior knew everything! He was in on major trends in society. He forced wisdom on his kids!
Well, I wasn't stimulated to be curious about knowledge by my Mom and Dad to the extent I consider OPTIMUM, which is more like the JOE KENNEDY SCHOOL OF STREET SMART SAVVY at the dinner table! Although she took me to the library every two weeks to get a stack of books, and read them I DID.
Ergo, while I aimed at perfectly interesting, even fascinating things: acting in TV and films. I settled for dumb passtimes, shopping, sewing, cooking, painting and ordinary men. It didn't occur to me that the RARER altitudes held the actual men who could change the future of the world. I didn't know people could or should change the future. WORST of all, I DID NOT KNOW THE FUTURE NEEDED CHANGING... that life in the USA was headed to HELL in a handbasket!
So, I never targeted the thinkers, the WRITERs, PRODUCERs or DIRECTORs in my town, Hollywood. I never sought the billionaires who hobnobbed with Senators. No, my first love was the damn SCRIPT SUPERVISOR, an elegant old rogue of a cutie as EMPTY as a lobster trap! Along the way, I thought I liked bullfighter types. Colombian Folk music guitarists. A dumb predilection! Later, I left Hollywood to marry a sweet as sugar, earnest but dumb-as-a-ditch-carp Mexican Basque-Spaniard who lived in a backwash of MEXICO in the hills of GUANAJUATO, a steel product manufacturer and rancher
Seven years later, freed of that mistake, I STILL thoughtlessly took what came my way: an Oscar winning screenwriter who was so right wing elitist I didn't realize that I just should have just been a spy for the other camp. and reported him to some WONDERFUL, LIBERAL, intellectual Hollywood WGA UNION brain trust (my first loyalty would have been such a group if I weren't too dumb to join one.) The writer was a wily little skunk hedonist with many obvious black stripes on his back. But someone failed to tell me as a budding girl that those stripes do not go with REFORMERS OF THE FUTURE.
I didn't care for three reasons. 1.) he was GLAM TO THE MAX, looked like TELLY SAVALAS only SEXIER and 2.) HE WAS FAMOUS and 3.) I didn't know the world NEEDED reform!
I see how lamentable our world is today, when Bush & Cheney kill a thousand Iraqui civilians (babies, mothers, fathers daily,) and kill a dozen G.I's daily too. And Obama does the same to Afghanistan. Now, one would wish some voice, some influence! Today when we all pay $3.50 a gallon for gas and all our friends are livingi n their cars thanks to WALL STREET having a PASS from NO MORE STEAGALL GLASS ban on CASINO BANKING. When my neighbors are evicted or broke and foodless thanks to inflation and joblessness, (Oh and me, too, all of the above,) living in a world where air temps rise, bees die and a thousand people die each second of starvation, NOW I KNOW the world needs smart people to wake up now......but now I'm 73 years old. What power position can I get to change MEN WHO ARE IN POWER? It's you who can save us. Not me. So I transfer this info to you, pretty thing.
Among the concepts that I teach,-- don't just marry the first sweet guy you see. Don't even get involved romantically. Yogi Bhajan said that if a girl had sex with a man, he'd be in her aura for a year afterwards and she wouldn't be able to get free of him. So ...don't do the beast with two backs. Me, a little sweet talk and I fell for a Spaniard who looked like a bullfighter but acted like a bull and THOUGHT like a squirrel. My marriage to Luis Felix Hernandez was very ZEN BUDDHIST. In that I slid into it with barely admiration, not affection and NOT sexual hots. And then, living in the bucolic green hills of Mexico raising four babies you just go onto automatic pilot again. Mr. Hernandez, was sweet, handsome and earnest. Oh, I forgot to mention --at least, I thought he was my husband, I thought that I had married him. Soon, the Mexican government scratched out that Acapulco marriage registry book page saying the ceremony wasn't legal. Small matter of another wife and six kids in the hills fifty miles away.) SO maybe he wasn't that honest.
I lived 7 yrs abroad, felt I was doing hard time every minute of it, enduring the 'sweet guy's tyrades and violence, brought four beautiful kids down to the planet, then one day I'd had enough and I stuffed them in a car, wired the windows shut and drove like Hell, (Divorce Gringa Style,) returning to Hollywood with a crop of fatherless tykes. I quite naturally got no alimony, I lived on welfare, did astrology for money, spent way too much typing time writing novels that never sold and dated a very brainy, married WOMANIZER. The tykes very nearly missed their childhood, Mom was locked in a room typing when I wasn't with the cad. I have no memories of the kids, really. I was there but I wasn't there. The married screenwriter Boyfriend took up all my mental calories when I wasn't typing. My kids grew up while I wasn't looking, got jobs, left home, fled to far away cities and now I'm thinking it all over. Where the #(%& did I go wrong?
There hopefully is a place in heaven for folks who made all the mistakes, but who then kindly stand up in the theater and point to the hole in their skull and say to everyone else, 'I was stupid! Don't make this mistake. Don't DO THIS! I made this major boo-boo, let me tell you of the big errors people can make in life. So you can avoid them. WAKE UP, you can DO IT RIGHT" and who then bravely cite chapter and verse on the TRAPS OF LIFE which .....small though they seem.......end up costing ya big! For me the big errors that I can share are these:
SIN #1.) NOT LOOKING AND LISTENING!Our parents told us right. "LOOK AND LISTEN before you step off that curb", but they forgot to tell us, DO IT with everyone we meet! Do it every second. Look everyone right in the eye. FOCUS on what they're saying, what they're telling you. Focus on who they are, where they came from, what's unique about their story. Wonder why it is that they are here before you now. Know that there is a reason. Fate is not random. Seek the meaning! Seek the lesson. See the experience instead of blithely ignoring them, thinking they're just another talking head, and smiling and gabbing thoughtlessly about nothing at all. About the scenery. That is the dumbest thing to gab about. No. USE conversation to prod, to reach into people. Sure, we see how they dress, groom, present themselves, but FOCUS on them in more than surface ways. Listen for signs of what they ARE about, what they think about, talk about. And if they don't talk about it, when a small sign comes up of something odd, follow it down. Care about everybody's interior.
If they don't bring any signposts up and are not giving you clues, ask. BE curious. Every human is a mystery and is unique. PROD, QUERY. HUNT DOWN their unique truth. FIND out what their passions are. Learn to ask that question. What are your passions?
A COROLLARY TO THAT IS, Be prepared to be DISCRIMINATING. If you see JUNK coming at you, like that right wing oligarch, elitist screenwriter I wasted 30 years on, step aside. Or, if they're FLAT, if they aren't contributing the essence of themselves in clues, if they're just coasting at high speed with a big smile on their face, that should tell you something. It will, if your eyes are really seeing, your brain really interpreting! IF YOU ARE LOOKING AND LISTENING you will GET INTO FRIENDLY INTIMACY WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE and TOTALLY SIDESTEP the WONKERS! You will spot heroicism, viewpoint, furthering the action and charisma. Remember, that last one is real easy to fake. That's the zircon you have to put under a lens!
SIN #2.) NOT INTERPRETING- Kids don't know what everything means. Parents do. Parents see a fruity guy hanging around their son, they know what's up. Kids don't. Parents can be a big step in helping young kids or teens interpret! PARENTS give kids the dictionary. They teach new words. They point to the picture under the word 'thug' and say see? TROUBLE. See that face? It's a wonderful parent who will stand next to you and interpret generously for the first 16 years of a kid's life, (kind of like a movie publicist who accompanies a star in a reception line, and who whispers into the star's ear saying stuff like:) "Give him a smile. He's JOE BLOW from ABC TV. He's gay so don't waste firepower on him but he adored you in the English film, wrote a rave review for his news show called REVIEWS THAT BRUISE.) So when the star approaches the guy, she's all over him with thanks and warmth and knows the name of the show and the guy and says and does everything right. SHE has a life coach.
SIN# 3) Fail to FIND THE GREAT GURUS - DEMAND of your parents that they get into this line of work! Teaching. If you are a parent, be a life coach every second the kid is in sight. Be overtly didactic! The smart parent hangs by the kid, interpreting as life whizzes by. At the Summer party, 'Sweetie, see the neckline on that cocktail dress? That is one tasteless piece of work. The problem with FLORENTINA is she's gone through two husbands, had a fashion magazine JOB that mattered to her, never had kids, now she's 38. Now she's desperate to catch a number three and she's using that dress to signal that it's pink meat and it's fresh only she's giving it away at bargain basement prices. I want you to go talk to her, tell her you're my daughter, mention the PTA and how you used to remember seeing her there then compliment her on the dress and ask her 'does she really think having children is the whole point of life? See where she takes that."
There are all kinds of life lessons not only in that sentence --but in the assignment: how to open a conversation with someone you barely know and go straight to the heart of the matter! WOW! A parent should help us to develop social skills, conversational but also philosophic curiosity. Sure, we start slow. We Find safe subjects to open a chat. Themes to go PRODDING with. Study of a psychological profile, a type which FLORENTINA is,-- a type that offers deep lessons on life, men, women,and what is really important in life. BREEDING or CONTRIBUTING? My mother never helped me to see the EXAMPLES of psychological type that her friends were, or which the women in the headlines were. Like Mrs. Roosevelt. At the time. You know what my mother told me? That a ouija board had told her "FDR has dementia praecox. His wife KNOWS." Schizophrenia. Early word for it.
IF a mother takes the time to contribute to a daughter's education on psychological profiles, among their set, later, the Daughter may show interest in personally talking to the study specimen, maybe poking around for verification of psychological details... As a ten year old, I can imagine myself chatting for a while with an adult family friend. But I didn't. My mother didn't get me into the habit of investigating people! She did it plenty on her own, though. She was a Hollywood Astrologer and nobody knew it. She didn't charge as my Dad was a successful film arranger/composer at studios.. She was free to her friends so she collected friends & heard it all!
I imagine, in some distant UTOPIA of the future, a mother would go into more detail about someone's BIO, their profile. From it could come a whole lesson about husbands, divorce, women, men, Clocks ticking, and women who've become addicted to love and haven't explored their ability to be self pollinating, fulfilled artists or career girls...lessons which can be passed from Mom to daughter, using these people as "show and tell". i.e. As examples. TO make profiles leap off the page, become real.
In this Utopia, imagine a Mom says, 'see that boy, he's looking your sister up and down as if she were a waitress at Hooters. Go talk to him, see what he's interested in. A FIVE DOLLAR bet says it's NOTHING. Yep, nothing at all is going on in his head that is very interesting! I think I heard he wants to join the MARINES and kill Iraqis. Now there's a dumb cluck. Go on, ask him if he knows who Edward Teller was. Ask him if he ever saw the movie Gandhi. Ask him if he's ever fallen in love with an ugly girl or does he think he could". Yeah, I know, this MOM sounds outrageous and pranky but don't worry. These are fun things to ask a guy. They entail a girl opening a conversation and prodding a not-moving Armadillo to see if it's got breath in it.. Mom is sending her daughter on an explorative and amusing TUTORIAL mission. Five dollars is a neat payoff if the kid can find anything interesting in this Marine of the future. Mom has a point of view, she's involved. She's at that party, not slaving over a ham, she's training the smart daughter of the future and she's doing it with fun pranks AND standing by as co-pilot. The girl won't get into trouble as MOM is standing by waiting for her teen to come back for a share-session and debriefing. Doncha LOVE IT?
SIN # 4.) FAIL TO DEVELOP SOCIAL SKILLS which REQUIRE REPEATED TEACHING from the world itself, not just your GURU. There's another kind of NOT LOOKING OR LISTENING. NOT LEARNING polite social routines so that dropped anywhere, you can skillfully, adroitly, instantly create intimate, warm friendships. If you do not have those conversational skills, you not only get lost, you never get found!
Case in point. As a young girl, I had to work with WARREN BEATTY. I had no technique for conversation. None. In spite of having erudite, super well educated parents, (Oxford and S.C.) and growing up around them, I was too much of an airhead to pay attention to anything they did or said at their parties. All I ran around doing was airhead pranks with dumb kids in the pool and seeking out the barbecued drumsticks, chips and dip! I wasn't DUMB! JUST STUPID! In fact, UCLA tested entire freshman class for a week, 8hrs a day, kids who had come up with straight A's to get in the door. They found only 30 geniuses, out of l0,000. Told us we had to go into science! I knew I was smart, but how come I was so DUMB that I couldn't carry on an inquiring, friendly conversation?
I knew Warren Beatty had done a Broadway Show, "The SUBJECT WAS ROSES", -- I KNEW THAT because I read LIFE and LOOK MAG and three gossip columns in three newspapers, daily! (Similar to being a 2007 PEOPLE MAG addict.) I could have started a conversation, damnit! I, myself, had tried out for a Broadway play, caught sight of what THEATER in NYC was like! But I didn't. I never engaged Warren in a conversation so when he asked me out. I freaked
Instead of initiating a conversational bridge while we stood together on set all day (Warren and I worked together on the DOBIE GILLIS show, where without a single word. I even had to kiss him.) I was typical MERCURY IN PISCES silent. So later, when Warren Beatty asked me out on a date, I was in shell shock. I stared dumbly. I had to say 'no' because I felt we didn't know one another. We'd never shared a word! I was puzzled why he'd asked me out. Not having shared anything substantial, I suspected him of something INSUBSTANTIAL, unworthy and the thought that this cool 25 year old (not a star at the time, but well known,) was asking out little l8 year old virgin me freaked me out! Maybe I passed by a monster with the luck of the Irish, but I think he turned out political, leftist and great. I saw REDS and was amazed! It would have been nice knowing the guy!
MY POINT is that CONVERSATIONAL skills, INTIMACY and FRIENDSHIP creating skills aren't in the MANUAL. The RUTHLESS RULES obviously don't just fall out of the sky onto our heads! They are conferred by parents and these days, they're way too stressed MY parents never bothered to teach me the things a citizen would need. There should have been a rule! "Anita, at parties, you sit beside us; you watch us talk to our friends, you listen, you learn and later we will discuss and go over what you think you saw. Do this and you get ten bucks." I took the damn dog to obedience school for weeks on end for 40$ I sure would have done this for a tenner!
SIN # 5.) FAILING to FOCUS ON WHAT IS IMPORTANT. COMMUNITY EVENTS & PEOPLE COME ABOVE STUFF! Community events can be Night School, Classes, lectures or whatever you pull in. PULLING IN is a metaphysic of your existing. Let me explain Once at age 17 or so, I'd chickened out of doing Romeo and Juliet when asked to do it by a small theatre director who had been visiting my acting class. I felt it was too much gobbledygook dialogue to memorize. Dumb move. I'd have met all kinds of people through that production.
Worse, I was "party deficient." As an actress, one's looks helped one circulate at the A list parties. My agents at William Morris knew the top people in town, STRICTLY A LIST. Somehow I got thrown into high society occasionally as did my gal pal Mariana Hill (HIGH PLAINS DRIFTER, GODFATHER II) who dated Dr. Henry Kissinger in his bachelor, JILL St. John DAYS. Well in that period, I got thrown top oilman Ed Pauley Jr. I'll give you the salient points of his resume first, before I tell you how I MISHANDLED IT as I was a social klutz. Family owned OIL BIZ in TEXAS, also CUBAN TRANSPORTATION UTILITIES (that is before Fidel threw them out,) then he got in league with the CIA and the very Texas oil rich families who killed JFK. I am and always have been fascinated by the JFK assassination. ED PAULEY JR was part of the HIT (though they used Cuban exiles on the trigger.) Later in life, Poor ED spent all his money and drank too much and got to be a loose cannon, dangerous to the CIA/OIL LOBBY and of course he knew where all the bones were buried related to THAT JFK hit, so the head guys murdered HIM! He was killed in his own home in Sta Barbara, California.
It was as if GOD knew I'd be a fascinated activist of the left, one day, a potential archiver, too,.. really against the OIL WAR IN IRAQ and GOD had given me a swack at all that secret info. I HAD A CHANCE to be buddies with ED PAULEY JR. Son of the top oil man in America, ED PAULEY SR, friend of BUSH, DULLES, a real Howard Hughes type. The kid would have told me everything about the JFK HIT which his family funded. I COULD BE DINING OUT on that conversation last four decades since the murder of a liberal president. Sure, today, 2007, we just found out who did that murder. (Click there for details.) I could have known it earlier.
Well, it was not to be. Our first date was our last because I had no social skills. I did not open a conversation. I did not choose themes. I did not focus on the man. Hell, I never looked him in the face ONCE! I could have. His face was free, having had a chauffeur in front to drive the big black limo. He wasn't driving the damn car. He was looking into my eyes but I was not looking back at him! I was tripping on the scenery! The food. The stuff. The incidentals.
Now, the unconscious motivation for tuning out on men! PERHAPS (ahem!) I'd read too many sleazy french novels and felt MEN were dirty and dangerous, that the Pauley heir lusted for me .. As Warren had. They spooked me, but it was my own damn fault. Isn't it possible for a girl to learn to carry on a conversation with a ravening monster and do it with equanim, kind of like Beauty and the Beast? I may have been way too precocious in my reading habits and that led me to being way too suspicious! A little knowledge is a dangerous thing! I'd much rather I'd been taught to "Jane Austen" my way around a man's mind, i.e. explore psychological profiles in conversaton with some genuine curious prodding and shiny wit...as a mental, social hobby, finding interesting, piquant themes for conversation. For 'getting to know you.' But I didn't read Jane Austen. I read PIERRE LOUYS and Maupassant.
There should be psych books for teens. THERE WERE NONE. I read dime novels from FRANCE. My parents should have substituted BERGLER, Karl Marx, Engels, Bakunin, Michelet, HORNEY, FREUD and HISTORY. If someone had cued me, this tycoon's family had just got thrown out of CUBA. As did the KENNEDY assasin's family, these were rich guys who considered Cuba a fun colony. They invested there, owned sugar plantations, railroads, tramways and bus lines all of which were confiscated by FIDEL! If I'd known, I'd have certainly had material for a conversation. I was the star pupil in 12th grade POLITICAL SCIENCE. I'd always been amazed at how fascinated I was sitting in that teacher's class learning about the causes of World War II, but I failed to develop interest in the oligarch class, the quandry of the proletariat that creates revolution and the failure of communism, and the success of fascism, war, peace and the economics that trigger war.. all those themes were NOT hard-wired into my skull early enough!
How had I failed to develop such tastes? That excitement, fascination? I was DISTRACTED by stupid interests like theatre, movies, shopping, clothes, BULLFIGHTS, my other high school passions. Lousy ones!
Well, Pauley takes me to a huge party in the penthouse of HILTON, there's a huge party, hundreds of Washington Senators, Congressmen, Beverly Hills socialites who interact with Washingtonians and all I see is caviar and crackers. I abandon Ed's side for the caviar table. Never found him again 'til midnight. A little champagne and I do not remember the rest of the night. No talking, no soul to soul conversations, no looking into anybody's eyes and listening to the story of their life! Just chomp chomp. chomp! SIP SIP! OBLIVION!
LESSON: Learn to FOCUS on the person you are with, that Life sends you. AVOID DISTRACTIONS like Food, scenery. Jabbering with the crowd. ALL of that is illusion. YOU ARE USUALLY WITH SOMEONE, ACCOMPANIED with SOMEONE. Fate sent you someone. That is called a COMPANION. The act of sharing a meal with a companion is a serious, important ritual in life which is to be respected. Serendipity is to be valued. But oh no, I ran around the room chomping the scenery and was back in my apartment by midnight. Pauley must have chauffeured me home thinking 'what a ditz! I guess brunettes can be dumb as blondes too!'
Yep! I WAS A DUMB BRUNETTE! And I wasn't DUMB! UCLA tested 10,000 of us and picked thirty as culturally advanced and with HIGH IQ's. HOW COULD SOMEONE so SMART have been so stupid? It' easy to say I lusted for food, or I was distracted by the penthouse overlooking Beverly Hills that I forgot why God had maybe brought me to the planet. I didn't know it of course, but I wanted to be, or WOULD ONE DAY WANT to be, an effective activist on the far left. That brings me to the most important law of all:
BUILD YOUR LIST OF WHAT YOU CARE ABOUT. IT IS YOUR TREASURE. The bigger it gets, the more you talk about with passion.The more you are passionate about. Passion makes us alive. OUR PASSIONS are a sail on our boat. THE BIGGER the sail, the faster and farther you can go. THE BIGGER the meaning in your life. Fate will cooperate if you have many passions. It will send you exactly what you need to know. FATE is like a good agent or theatrical manager. He connects you with the right producers! FATE is alive and responsive to us. And when angels look down at us from clouds, they are searching for signs of a passion! If it's for caviar, or celebrities and reading US magazine....that isn't much of a passion for ANGELS to work with.
I had some dumb passions. I loved going to Mexico for the bullfights. I spoke Spanish, loved Mexican art, Loved Tamayo. There was good and bad mixed in my passion for Mexico. But there were redeeming interests. In High school, I realized I ADORED POLITICAL SCIENCE. I'd become fascinated with what caused world wars, how economic foreign policy got so dumb that the 'enemies' Japan and Germany built up their stash of war toys. We let W.W.II happen. I should have continued to study POLY SCI every semester! Kept my razor sharp. But I zoned through the Fidel takeover. Through the Arbenz Guatemala destabilization. I didn't keep up at it. Fate put a key player in my path. I ran for the caviar bowl.
SIN # 6.) SLEAZE IS NOT EXOTIC and it's NOT FOLKLORICO. It's a statistical fact that fifty percent of the world is below average. That translates to half the people you know or ever have known being absolute and utter junk! Having a good life is more about what you say NO to, then what you say YES to! So when it comes to beating myself over my head, I'm saying 'Why did I waste all that time on that dumb, rebel-without-a-cause sleazy 7th grader, ELLEN COLE who seemed so tough and so cool, in grammar school but really was just a major gangland toughie --a career criminal in the making? I was too young to realize that those charcoaled eyebrows, that red outlined mouth, the bras and tight sweaters and gang jewelry were just craziness time. That boosting at dime stores was not a good hobby! As the ad goes, I SHOULD HAVE HAD A V-8! FIFTY YEARS LATER, I'm beating myself on the head. What a waste of a friendship! I could have had interesting, smart friends! People who'd have taken me to the theater, library. It's like the junk food takes away the appetite and interest in the substantial and nutritious. It will, every time!
BOOZE, DRUGS, DATING SOCIOPATHS are all forms of addiction to sleaze, danger and one's own yin hormones. These things can be very cute, funny and even pretty. Married older men are fascinating. Margaritas taste better than Mother's milk, so don't even start. GRASS is laughing gas for the brain. Your brain has these major high altitudes in it.WHO KNEW? But tenth time you light the illegal joint, a.) the high isn't high any more, and b.)you're left with residual beliefs that are weird. BEYOND BUDDHA. More like CHARLIE MANSON. AND TENTH TIME YOU SLEEP with that married older man, you're hooked!
Yep, the LAST KILLER VICE is MEN. BAD MEN, the Tommy Lees of this life. NOTHING seems more spicy, hot or more fascinating. Nothing arouses the hormones like 'em, nothing compares, nothing is more cute, more appetizing than married old man with money or a hot rocker. The KEITH RICHARDS sociopath guys are the buffalo wings of the junk food Mall from HELL. DO NOT GO THERE. I'll bet Pamela Anderson is still trying to lose her taste for devilish men. It don't die easy!
And like God is here, like Angels eavesdropping on clouds are here, --the Devil is here. And he's waiting to get your "dark passion" list. So he can supply it, distract you at the key moment. Caviar? HEY kiddo, here's a plateful, anything to keep you away from that nutcake PAULEY who's about to kill the prexy in two years. You'd ruin that plan if you could. Or Star actor of the leftist future? A guy who could run for president? Nahh, let's make him spend three decades apprenticing HUGH HEFNER and we'll send you to the CLOSET in MEXICO. Or, You like married playwrights? Chekov's dead, so who can we get you? On yes, the married old screenwriter, there's a winner. A regretful, witty, bitter sociopath Jew. Take thirty years of your life and spit you out at the end of it used, wrinkled and depressed....he-he-he! You will have to really scrimmage to write that dark, leftist novel when you're in your eighties!!!! Fat chance!" "Widowed" by a married man who chose three other wives over you! And you just stayed around with a stupid, loving smile!
SIN #7. FAIL to put our brakes on. WE must DISCRIMINATE. As you smile and shake hands with folks, keep thinking, "Not this. Not this." That phrase comes from the masters of Tibet. The more you observe what's in front of you and spot the flaws, stupidity, venality, lust, coarseness, the more you'll have to move on. and IN MOVING ON, you will finally get to something worthy. So, realize where you don't want to go. A discriminating person knows how to cut out fast. Say "FEET, DO YOUR STUFF" Meaning at first sign of junk, move on. If someone doesn't treat you right, and shows you his fangs? Move on. Don't be a victim. THE MORE No's you say, the faster you move forward as you would sail down a hallway with closed doors til you find the OPEN door fate meant for you.
Saying 'YES' doesn't move you forward. YES gets you in trouble. YES makes you enter some sleazy door and stay with some piece of junk person inside that door for a long time. "NO" is what muscular people say and they say it at the gitgo.. They say it and they mean it and they stick to their guns and they move forward. Say to yourself "ONWARDS AND UPWARDS."
The Tibetans have an interesting phrase. 'Neti Neti Neti." That means "NOT this, NOT that, NOT the other," meaning 'look, sniff but move on. Don't say 'yes' too easily. Say NO! The negatives involved in the faculty of DISCRIMINATION are your friend. Life is like a hallway, you knock on many doors, you peek in, but the more doorways that you do not enter fully or if you enter, you do not stay there for LONG if it is insubstantial... the more you focus well, deeply and really interact with that person in that doorway, or in that room and then when you see the dark side, you say to yourself 'not this, not that' and just keep moving, inspecting, learning, interacting, and moving on. THE MORE YOU DO THAT, the faster you cover hallway after hallway of learning opportunities, palaces, office buildings full of events, friends and lessons.
THEY all remember the person who moved on, and remember you fondly. You get postcards from every doorway. But you are moving toward the final YES that is right for you. A thousand nos produce a yes. You have to kiss a thousand frogs to find a prince. You have to play with a thousand mini-passions without getting involved to find or appreciate a passion that matters, that enobles, that touches that highest part of you.
IT is easy to get hung up in nonsense. But if you can bypass the nonsense at the same time as you sniff, inspect, get to know it, then kiss it on the cheek and move on. You don't take it with you. You can carry a molecule of it with you forever. Most stuff out there isn't worth more than a molecule of attention or time. However, that wee molecule of experience may prove useful. It may vaccinate you against something death-giving. Molecules often do.
LOOK AND LISTEN
FIND GREAT GURUS,
SOCIAL SKILLS REQUIRE REPEATED TEACHING.
FOCUS ON WHAT IS IMPORTANT. PEOPLE COME ABOVE STUFF.
SIDESTEP JUNK QUICKLY. Sidestep acquiring stuff.
BUILD YOUR LIST OF WHAT YOU CARE ABOUT. IT IS YOUR TREASURE. DISCRIMINATE.
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