DUTY DATING means SEEING OTHER MEN SO THAT YOU DON'T FALL FOR THE MAN YOU REALLY LOVE
I'm not in love with any of them, hon. I guess I'm just popular.
Ever read "THE GREAT GATSBY"? In it, Jay Gatsby falls madly in love with l8 year old DAISY even though ten other guys are chasing her. Or maybe BECAUSE they're chasing her. Popular Daisy awakens his male libido. GIRLS never understand this Male-Competitiveness thing. If ten girls chase a fellow, it turns a girl off! But Men are different. Or didn't you notice? Therefore, at first the entire concept of DUTY DATING won't make sense. DUTY DATING is dating a lot of other guys beside the guy you're really interested in. It makes you more desireable which will make sense to men who observe this cluster of men around you and they will fall madly in love with you.There are two ways to dutydate.
1.) FAKE THE DATING of OTHER MEN so that HE won't realize you're in love with him! This is the secret trick of GETTING A-HOLD OF YOURSELF, REINING YOURSELF IN....You pretend that you're just too damn POPULAR! If he asks you where are you Saturday night, don't say you're dating others. Though if you are...you can be open about it. But if you're not, say 'I'm busy, that's all. Friends.' Be enigmatic, A woman of mystery.2.) The second method is to really date a few men beside the one you like, but you don't tell the one you're in love with --you are simply unavailable on some of the hours he would like to take you out. Let him wonder why. If he buttonholes you, say "Just dating, not sleeping with anyone and not in love with anyone. I see other people."
Now I know that seems to come straight out of a romantic comedy, starring Hugh Grant and Renee Zellweiger but no, "Duty Dating" is based on the popular Jungian teachings of Dr. Pat Allen, author of "Getting to I Do." (Meaning, GETTING TO THE ALTAR!)
Dr Pat says that women get too daffy about a guy too fast and men are slower to realize that they care. "Duty Dating" is necessary for all of us to slow us down
Tace it, women muddle every Potential relationship that comes their way by being too enthusiastic, too emotionally available and they never understand why the guy backs off. It is important for Unskilled dating age females to simultaneously "duty date" three men in an effort to build her relationship distancing skills.
With one man, she’ll get too attached and then move too eagerly and fast. Two men in the picture doesn't work as it creates a dichotomy, an "either/or" and that second bum will always seem a total loser. Only with three dating males in her regular ‘stable’ can a woman keep her perspective and stay so busy and hard to get that a male really starts to have to focus on her to get her.
Testosterone is a nasty hormone. Most men are Driven MAD by it. This translates to a need for women to learn to say one hundred No’s for every yes. No’s aren’t dangerous. YESSES are! Yes’s tie you to years of addictive monogamy, spiritual hunger and need, subservience, immobility while staying home, waiting for the phone to ring and HIM to be online. YESES most often lead you down cul de sacs. Ergo they are to be avoided at all costs.
A woman must juggle many frogs to have one of them say 'I demand you give the other 99 guys up.I am your Prince." Wmen don't understand men. Fitzgerald wrote a novel THE GREAT GATSBY which was about an ordinary man after an exquisite girl. Daisy had dozens of beaux. Gatsby was one of a pack, and knew he had very little chance, but he set about winning her. He lived his entire life to obtain wealth so he could win her.
Women wouldn't do that. If a man had a dozen women around him, we'd walk the other direction. Men do not. A popular girl makes a man want her even more. We cannot understand the male headset. Read the early part of that book to understand it. You want to do what Daisy did, be obviously popular, with many men obviously bidding for your time. For your Saturday nites.
Expect your bout with duty dating to be funny. You are deliberately going to create impediments to your beaux getting together with you. You are goin to create the road to love being paved with many unexpected twists and turns. Many plot twists. YOU ARE NOT going to make it easy for him. If he flakes out, then he's not a survivor. He's not good enough to be the father of your children. MAKE it really hard so only a man who a.) adores you, b) is a hard worker, can get to the end of the maze.
So, one of the mainstays of your dating arsenal is not being available all the time. DUTY DATE one, two, even three men. Every time one man becomes very important to you, find two others to make a sandwich. Sandwiched in like that, you won’t get crazy. You won’t let him rule. You will keep that degree of cool and sanity needed to bring a testosterone-laden stallion into a permanent stall, down home on the farm. YOUR farm.
Date one man you adore -- but date two others that are made of sterling mate material. Meaning no wild men flakes, unemployed bums, disco hunks. Three decent men will keep your powder dry, your eyes open and your heart happy. Hey, it may be so great that you become a woman who doesn't want to settle for marriage and one man. That couldn't be too shabby.
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