When your sweetheart fails you, don't blame the guy aloud or in your mind. Don't rage or waste emotional calories in pain, despair, self-invalidation. ( i.e. "What's wrong with me that they don't love me more?") 

The simple fact is, that guy is somehow a tad more incapable of true, committed love than other, more advanced souls. Or, perhaps he  was thoughtlessly just 'window-shopping' in the halls of love.  Or perhaps he was amoral and he's a downright KLEPTO in the halls of love. Or perhaps he's a verbal abuser of women and he goes at you all the time. This doesn't make the guy EVIL. And you're not STUPID for having PICKED him. So don't dissolve into DRAMA. No, you simply were NOT seeing all the signs. There are a dozen articles on this webpage about testing a guy before getting involved. Read those so you're better next time. What's probable is that  you allowed this guy in. You let him into your universe. Take responsibility. Be an adult. If you react in an adult manner, next time you'll see the signs earlier & do way better at TESTING new friends, and show more eagerness to dump serial killers, (Female abusers,) and a quicker hand at dumping 'zombies.' (i.e. men who prefer, need or crave distance,) ---before they take up a lot of your short time as a young, marriageable beauty.

Meanwhile, while you're still working on dumping HIM, keep your energy pure and strong. Get on the power diet of all time. Spinach salad at midday, anti-oxidant rich, dark fruit for snacks, lean proteins at meals. Next, do two things. First, say to yourself regularly: "do I want this person to do the same kind of negligent acts to the child we one day might have? Then answer that aloud: NO, I want to protect my unborn children; I want to SAVE my darling little baby from grief, from being scarred by  dad who screams 'WHORE' all the time. Protect my child from getting all warped and neurotic. I do not want to move onwards into the terrain of more involvement with this person (i.e. family life). DEAR GOD help me NOT to be attracted." Then, FEEL HOW MUCH less you adore him. And concentrate on BEING GRATEFUL to GOD for this change He is wreaking in your consciousness.

Do this praying and gratitude ritual regularly until you don't care. Affirm vocally: "Dear God, help me make this person a dear close friend as I do love them, but please God, banish from my body any longings for physical closeness. No more desiring to HOLD them. To be that special someone for them, as they are incapable of as much commitment as I am. From now on my friendship with this person will be based on heart-love as any and all friendships should be, but now I will resume my search for a loving person. I will not criticize their lacks to their face but will look upon their shortcomings with amusement, as a friend to a quirky friend."

Now, as your friendship opens with him, don't become so close to this person that you become their confidante or adviser on future romances. Stay out of that terrain. Sometimes ex loves fade away but sometimes they ripen into a friendship that is always special. Let THAT happen. Hope that it will but as many male nutcases come back with a gun, if he's that kind do not tell him anything about your private life ever. And don't put new guys on your facebook.

HOW TO MAINTAIN HIM AS A FRIEND -  The guy has faults but you love him anyway? TOSS HIM OUT and later be his friend.  It's like throwing out a really interesting, odd dress which you loved on the hanger. Which actually looked good on you. Passing it on to a girlfriend. So you had a bad event or two wearing it, are you sure that you wanna tear it up w. scissors while your hand is still IN IT?  What's the point? Just hang it in back of closet. Toss it in a drawer. Give it away. The less said the better. Because the metaphor doesn't hold. HE is both dress and designer.

YOU don't criticize the goods even if it's weird or there are scars or signs of previous use and it's not new, it's kinda beat up but who are you really mad at yourself? Be polite. NO EDICTS, no ultimatums, no insults. Put him/it aside, tear it off your hand first, though then stick it away forget it, get off it. You are the only game in town in his life. The most interesting. He'll be back. And you'll thank God for all the nasty things you didn't say. All the fighting you didn't do. You left 'elegant.'


1.) Eat sulfur foods before a date, and while cooking, be sure to over-heat this sulfur food, you know like cabbage, beans, eggs broccoli all of which, BOILED will make you gassy.

2.) Get your best girlfriend to flirt with him, really turn him on. Say romantic things. Get him cornered at her apartment. Arrange for a walk-in by you.

3.) Suddenly let out you had twenty affairs as a kid and your babymaking equipment will never work.And three of your infants were adopted.

4.) Talk about how you want a Lexus or Lincoln Continental or Honda Hybrid and how you expect him to get his thing together to buy you a new one each couple of years.

5.) Talk up how gorgeous X actor is, how no man can ever get you hot if it's not a clone of that star. Tell him you fantasize it's BRAD PITT or CLOONY at times with him. Well, confess it. ALL THE TIME. If possible praise his best friend as a turn on and gorgeous because the friend reminds you of Pitt or Cloony. Add: "don't YOU wish you looked like one of these total hunks?"

6.) Confess you were faking orgasms all these yrs and why can't he do things right down there. (then allow that  it could be your cootie infection burning holes in your own equipment.) Talk about personal hygiene problems. Constipation, cooties. Enemas. Need for him to test his fluids with a doctor. How you have herpes and sooner or later he will get it. 

7.) Keep praising his best friend. THEN keep asking questions about best friend's lovelife, how he's built,etc.

8.) Take karate classes cuz he's gonna blow any day now!

9.) Talk about how you want to join the Nuns in Africa taking care of leprosy patients and how it isn't really catching. And really prattle on about leprosy and these poor people and how Dr.Alfred Schweitzer left Germany l00 yrs ago to do his medicine there in Africa, left a lucrative career and hang pictures of Schweitzer that you get online and read his bios. Save money to go to Africa. Tell him you are. And tell him you expect HIM to join you there in this work

10. If that doesn't work, talk about how manly AFRICANS are. MEN I MEAN! HOW HOT those big, tall.....

Hope this has inspired you. Anita Sands Hernandez

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