SHOULD ORPHANAGES BE OUTLAWED?
SEPARATION FROM THE MOTHER DURING INFANCY
CAUSES A KIND OF SOUL DEATH IN THE CHILD
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~LADIES. Be kind. Have a first term abortion if you can't raise the baby. DO NOT have a child that you give to an orphanage. Sign up with some childless couple on CRAIGSLISTI to be the parents --- a couple who trusts you have good genes and will love your baby. If a baby's in an orphan ward, he'll be damaged forever.
The first days, months or year of an infant's life are critical. No mother HOLDING and loving him all the time that he's awake --his just screaming the cry of the wounded heart into the darkness -- will make baby an utter monster. There needs to be a living MOM bonding with him every second or the soul dies.
I've had sixty years of a strange half brother. (My father's first wife died of a fever when my bro was 1 year old.) He had a kind of snotty attitude, always preening at his being able to afford going to Thailand to sleep with little girls. Before that it was his own supposed cash smarts, self-admiring, putting himself out as an absolute model of intelligent behavior. He does his insane, proud, PERV sociopath bit with a smile, bright and friendly but arrogantly, in a way that I never quite understood.
Every Occupy EMAIL from me, or 'help the poor with activism' --Email that I'd pass along, he would be leering at me about his wealth, how he was getting job after job as an educator or engineer and putting together a massive senior savings account and huge pension so he could go to Thailand and molest CHILDREN it turns out. I felt that his preening about his wealth when I sent him 'evicted people at Wall Street' stories --- was sort of misplaced. And weird.
Curious about his choices, I studied his upbringing. He was a half orphan. His mother died when he was 12 months old. He was toted about with my Dad, a job-seeking widower ---enjoying hotel rooms for a few years. Dad was fleeing the dead wife's mother's wealthy family. My half Bro was dropped in foster homes at times, then, still a toddler, taken in by his maternal grandparents and raised in Philly.
He came to live with us in California when he was 15 and me and Sis were eight and ten. He was leering, laughing, aloof --also a mildly sexual weirdo -- as if he had no fear of his potty mouth, and had no feelings of empathy for our shock --as if nothing hurt him or ever could or would. His speech was provocative, as were his choices of theme. (Scabrious at times). However, always just short of loony. He never lost his cool.
Thirty years later, his own teen daughter walked out on the family, a sign of something odd going on.
Tonight, after one of his icy, preening emails, I reminded him that he had once had 'sudden loss syndrome'. His Mom died when he was a year old. I pressed him on issues related to inappropriate, unfeeling preening and the psychic deadness behind it, wondering if he didn't feel that that blow didn't harm him, leave him with psychic scars, among them that cut-offness.
He reacted with great anger. Said I was slandering his family, his 'house'. I answered "I'm not critical of your FAMILY OR HOUSE. after all, that's my family too. Your Dad met my mother a few years later and Dad sired ME. No, This is a conversation about DAMAGE to children, plural. Not about YOU. Not about YOUR LACKS as a feeling being, or your being TOUGH and DEFENSIVE and even snotty. It is a conversation about ALL people who are damaged by loss of a parent in infancy or by their absence, even if for short periods. I'm really just collating research, sniffing up a theory, comparing evidence, picturing it. My half bro turned off his PC.
Nice try. See, I try to think of a child being held in a foundling home, a very young one: being TIED UP, no food on baby's demand but once every 4 hours at their convenience. No immediate diaper change, no loving hands, kisses, words, and PLAY (most important,) just being left alone by a hired baby professional with other chores to do. You'd go crazy with fifteen minutes of it. The non-rational stage that the baby is in causes the child to be continuously tortured. He cannot understand it. The 'I am dying signal' starts. The "I am in serious emergency, guys" thought. He calls out, screams, then weeps. Rage at being ignored is followed by primal wound to the emotional cortex. At that point, pain kills and endangers them so they automatically shut off. They turn themselves off. What's left is utter hopelessness. That is the scary part. They become zombies. Dead to the touch. Cynical and mistrusting of all people. With anger triggers up the wazoo. This wound cannot be fixed, ever. And in that climate the really ugly stuff starts breeding: hate, violence, arrogance, lying to oneself to achieve stability that trust should give and does not, the urge to clobber someone.
Orphaned children show up in the news but you never know it. Remember the guy in Texas who flew his private plane into the I.R.S.building in Austin as Recession started? Turns out that the guy was an orphan. He had some mental problems apparently. It is depressing to think of the innocent victims in the building who were injured and died. The documentary pointed out that he was essentially short sighted in his anger, as the I.R.S. does not set policy and tax rates, the U.S. Government does. He essentially committed criminal terrorism. He could have been a great tax activist, stuck to protests, web sites, inspired living room groups, legal ways of both venting his concerns, channeling his resentment. He could have gone for fiery activism. He could have been a contender.
The US Gov possibly could be induced to let the lower classes off on taxes, could hike rates for billionaires but this orphan had no hope, no trust, was angry and he also had no compassion for the others who would die in his attack nor for the millions he didn't save as a fired up activist.
Two things worry me. Since Clinton Welfare Reform, USA is creating orphans with mothers who must go back to work even if they are janitors in state bldgs, or freeway cleaners! We are creating whole countries FULL of angry orphans in Muslim countries. Our colonialist, imperialist drones, bombs, soldiers, genocide is going full force thanks to the G.O.P (read transnationals,) and the blow back from that ---will one day be hideous. Because this type easily 'comes at you' for no reason, how much worse with the REASON we continue to give them!
Being a Mom and having been in intimate relationships with infants, toddlers, kids and teens, may I tell you that character is formed from minute one, hour one, and some say from the pregnancy and birth process itself, easy or hard. Loving bonding with a mother is initiated then. All their life models are formed then. 18 hour labor is one kind of madness. Caesarian, born ALL of a sudden with no massage at all, --that shock, --is ANOTHER.
If an infant is forgotten for an hour and screams that long, the scar of being abandoned and unloved is there. Baby's image of parent, Earth and people is impaired.
If a child is orphaned, like my brother, at age one, he DID have that first year to form a perfect bond and then bingo, she checked out. Many abandoned, adopted-out kids are tended by institutions until a parent is found. I have a theory that the child abandoned at age ONE does NOT have that PRIMAL WOUND that I see in my chums or astrology clients who were thrust away at birth.
I know one of these bitter wounded ladies. I am her stargazer. Weekly, I hear this skinny blonde's snarly rant (she's a psychic junkie so I hear it every Tuesday 1PM) about how her new boypal had no gifts at all for her at that Christmas eve party at her family's home where everybody was exchanging packages. How he embarassed her! Well, yeah, he's a stoner dolt rock musician. She shoulda checked out on the bloke right then instead of demanding an instant 150$ gift card from him.
I ascribe her furies (as well as her hanging on to the man as if he were a piece of trash super glued to her hand,) to her having been jilted (orphaned) at birth. Only hospital nurses touched or fed her first thirty days, so she's full of inner emptiness, panic, yet overly mental jabberwock! (Wherever heart ISN'T, MIND IS!.) She can talk for three hours straight, giving an exact diary of her last 2,000 hours from memory, knowing the hour that someone called her a week ago, to the minute like Rainman.
She is always decrying the cruel cruel treatment which she endures at the hands of the inhumane beau and seeing a sour jealous spectre everywhere in women around her, who she thinks are avidly coveting her fellow! Then she tells me ten times that she is the most gorgeous girl at any gathering... Huh? She looked tired, haggard, wrinkled, black holes under her eyes. It is so unpleasant to have a visit from her and have her do THREE HOURS catawauling on how terrible they all are, and what will they all DO TO HER next? --that I wish folks would disavow any notions of adopting an infant being a good thing. You pick up more trash than salvation army that way. Only adopt if you get the baby fresh as it pops out of the oven. Wish I had time to do some serious ANTI ADOPTION rant, noisily describing how an infant (thrust into emotional freefall by a Mum's BETRAYAL via departure!) will end up as one disgustingly awful, nutcake BORRRRING NEEDY adult that will drive everyone crazy! There's NO CURE as the damage is in the CUTICLE of the soul. i.e. that child was days old, well below the threshold of reason but just in shape for a really PRIMAL WOUND. NOBODY CARES. I'll DIE! Thus bent the twig, so grows crooked the TREE. It is a lifetime wasted. Man, an early term abortion is MERCY compared to THAT!.
My brother (abandoned at one year by death of my dad's first wife ) isn't quite right in the head, either. A YEAR OLD baby is a child with much understanding. He will probably only have three or four words in his arsenal at that point but he is loaded with sharp concepts on who is whom. Mom disappearing is a heart shock for the toddler, which my brother was. HEARTSHOCKED and I would certainly attribute any defects in that child's character, any lack of empathy and tenderness, to that shock.
After he turned off his PC, I wrote my brother: "I note that your main zeitgeist as an adult is 'I'm in terrific shape; you should only be in as good shape as I am in.' the self-definition, the shaping of our beliefs about ourselves can come from trauma in toddlerhood. The trauma at birth results in a total shutdown of the emotional apparatus. These people usually become unfeeling, 'mental' -- talky, sensual; there is no ability to have cosmic union with another, very little OTHER-centered emotion. A one year old child who triumphs over being abandoned becomes smug with plenty of 'I am a winner and I must repress all fears I'm not...' even if Mom left me. He has a year's worth of consciousness, philosophy, awareness. But not enough verbal skills to be told, Mom died suddenly. She did not willingly defect. So from that point on, Love vs betrayal, Gain vs. loss ---are clocked carefully. Scorekeepers don't feel love, not the same depth of love as relaxed, existential children.
On a TENDERNESS scale of TEN rating feeling from abundant to DRY & TOUGH, where is each of us? Our best judges would be our mates and children. But see, what do they know? THEY ONLY KNOW how loving you are or are not compared to TV SitComs they watch. They have no OTHER mother or father to compare you do. Nor has any dial gadget has been invented to quantify how much juice you really inspire or don't inspire. And who sez juice is the definition of love. Children who are abandoned FEEL a desperate amount of love for unloving jerks whom they idolize. That kind of tenderness is more about survival issues than real affinity or love. It could be argued that being too feeling or tender makes people sappy, turns them into loveaholics or makes them take wayyyyyyy to much care of pets and avoid people. The BLONDI SYNDROME. Some of us give wayyyyy too much attention to the sweetheart to get any self-advancing work done. Many teens are like that.. Crushes and Presbyterian work ethic are at two different ends of the spectrum as far as I see it and I work with a lot of people in my line of business, astrology. I see a lot of misplaced, hopeful, trusting love wasted on scoundrels who arouse adoration but give no love or assistance to the damaged sweetheart. They use, abuse then leave.
I wrote to my brother "let's analyze your childhood. After your mother's death, our common dad carried you around on his travels... doing so for a year and a half while he left England and attempted to get jobs in Hollywood, always having to place you in foster homes or juggling you with his own work schedules --all the time fighting your maternal grandparents in Philly who wanted you . Lawyers were involved. Finally he gave up the battle. I heard that you were over two years old at that point. This is a rigorous childhood and you yourself have to see scars there even though memory has the dead mom's parents spoiling you later. That was rich frosting on top of a bitter cake full of holes. Just as your claims of immunity are carefully laid over something much darker. For that reason, your rising up like a cobra and hissing at me when I talk about the damage done to infants seems strange."
A few days later, he answered: " I had a beautiful childhood. My grandmother stepped in and provided the motherly contact. And don't forget, my father was there after my mother's death. So, let's not come up with a theory about the "wound" that this left, since there is no wound. You must also remember that my stepfather, Dr. B. provided some valuable interface during the dozen years that I knew him. He would take me to Gimble Brothers Department Store, where he worked as a doctor.
"I got to roam around the store all by myself. I got to observe what happens in the doctor's office. As the years progressed, my school years were also quite beautiful. I got whatever I needed, and I must say that I was quite spoiled. Our family suffered no accidents, and we always had a large abundance of money. Each Christmas I would receive perhaps 20 cards from friends, relatives and patients of Dr. B. I moved to California in 1951 and again had everything I needed. I had two sisters to add some activity to my life as well as three dogs. So, again I ask where is that wound that you suggest was left by the death of my mother. I didn't remember anything about her.
I appreciate your concern, but I really don't feel I have any problems. I get along just fine with my wife, children and grandchildren. And I look around at other people in my life. They are sick with disease, have thousands of dollars of debt, face possible foreclosure, are trying to recover from an accident, have a great amount of stress, have no savings to cover their retirement and old age, can't find suitable employment, lack friends and relatives to surround themselves, etc. On the other hand, I feel quite thankful that so many things have gone amazingly well for me."
(That's not true. He married a Finnish girl, had four children and carried his kids around in American motels while their mother was in her home country. He and the kids were sleeping on floors while he looked for work exactly as his own father had done with him. Later, he never bought a home for his family, they lived in apartments, so great was his inner insecurity or perhaps his lack of commitment, I'm not sure which.)
"My son, J., has a good job, a good family, and ample savings to support himself." (The kid was a chessmaster like his dad from a young age, got into computers, math, the Navy and nuclear submarines in short order.) "J's wife Patricia inherited a significant amount of money from her mother to help John keep his head above the flood. My note: When Pat found out John was having a flagrant gay affair with a muscle builder, she divorced him. He became a sexaholic like his father with the same flamboyant behavior.
Daughter number one, E, has a good job and good health. Daughter number two, T. also has a good job and good health. (However, SHE will not talk to the family. She opted out. Disappeared for a decade, wouldn't talk to her father. Mystery there.) Daughter number three, Lisa, also has a good job and good health. Wife Annika likewise enjoys her job and good health. I don't want to bore you with the great optimism we all have for the future. I'll just say that you should get your own house in order before being critical of our house." he ends... with a kick at my teeth.
I answer "Look, I'll confide this. Why I press the issue is, I'm preoccupied with the issue of unfeeling. I have 'missing time' in my own memory of raising four infants as a single mother, actual missing memories, lost time. I WAS NOT PRESENT I was 'mom interrupted -- by survival concerns, money lacks, and it interrupted Luis' the baby's childhood more than the others who had infancies in mexico where I was protected by a mate & had no mental stress. And then I walked out, divorce estilo gringo, and returned to California with two infants, a toddler and a five year old. And Luis became schizophrenic in his twenties. And as an infant, he especially suffered.
If I were metaphysical, and I am, I'd even tell you that the pregnancy that produced him was extremely precarious. I was in exodus, struggle leaving Mexico and coming to Calif. and being denied welfare and made to live on a garage floor for three months. (Carpeted but still..) Like you were when you brought the children back from Finland where he and his wife lived,)so they went thru the same crisis you did as an infant, traveling Europe then to America with our mutual father, when way under the age of comprehension. My dad ws trying to escape the dead mother's Philly posh family who wanted custody. And it reflects me when I came back from MEXICO with 4 fatherless children and my hubby maybe after the kid custody thing. I was distracted. I was single, briefly even 'dating'. I was off making a living. Other things captured my mind so it wasn't on the babies. That is a lifestyle I really don't recommend to a woman and I am today pondering what a child loses when MOM is not present or when she is interrupted or not focused on the infants who live in another time quantum, slowed down, focused, all of it emanating from the heart and intuition. The woman does this best when there are no worries, a mate who cherishes her. I was thrust into DESIRE MIND. Seeking solutions, surviving, scuffling they used to call it. Find a rental, qualify for foodstamps. Survival concerns interrupted the mother infant bond, that intuitive sustained six year cradle to kindergarten time of imprinting and bonding. The psyche of a child is built in those years. I had career pull one way, romance another way. I was not fully present.
I was pondering all this, talking to my half brother when the l0pm tv show came on that gave me the answer. The show was "WHAT WOULD YOU DO" an ABC show, and they had an actor portray a knocked out, fainted homeless person lying right on the sidewalk on a city street. The producers counted while 90 people stepped around her and walked on by. A homeless woman, a real one, stopped. Her face was agonized as she asked people to call an ambulance. Another forty people heard her and walked by after she showed up. Finally a woman did use a cell phone and call for help.
ALL OF US ARE ORPHANS -- All of us are somewhat dead ----And that means a lot of 'dead' people walking around. And ya know why? Our parents were distracted. We were born and their eyes and ears heard and saw us but there was nobody home.
My psychic junkie client come in not two days earlier with that same 'deadness' problem showing up. She is a 45 year old dogwalker who'd been abandoned at birth and once again I had to consider how being without a mother in infancy kills a person.
ADOPTED ORPHAN GIRL MEETS MAN. GIRL WANTS SEX. MAN WANTS TO PLAY GUITAR, EAT, GET DRUNK AND then SLEEP . REJECTION REPRISE.
Again, can I mention my astrology client the one who drives me nuts talking. Who breaks into fits of rage at markets, cafes and screams at innocent females never males. Who foams about hating her BF who uses her as a housemaid and call girl. Many places have called the police on her when she has a public tantrum, places as varied as SHELL GAS and THE VETERAN's HOSPITAL. This critter was kept in a hospital ward for the first thirty days of life until she was adopted. I feel this primary empty space of OCCASIONAL nurses coming after she'd SCREAMED long enough & slinging unfeeling feedings at her every 4 hrs( by the clock) greatly harmed her. She's all mental, demanding, reactive, dumb as mud, boring as blazes. No sentiment. She can't read signals, she's not intuitive. Has giganormous rages, screams at people and worst of all, she cannot stop talking! Side issues: she's loose as a goose on sexual issues, can bond like a rabbit. She's gratingly candid even bragging about this to the point that she could be a pro hooker, she's basically a 50 year old dog walker on food stamps. But she is emotionally dead she's really just a skeleton rattling off at the mouth endlessly on a very angry and superficial level and she will talk for two hours without stopping so at ONE HOUR I try to draw the line or she sucks your gray matter out of your head.
One day I told her, let's not do stars and astrodice. Let's have a psychiatric session; let's deal with today's complaint on a cause effect deeper level. YOU have spent hours telling me how you were all upset about the boyfriend a drunk-booze addict guy with total erectile dysfunction, age 55, going thru a divorce with a wife of two decades, and telling me (today) about his putting you off on sex right after you two got back from going to dinner. This happened two days ago yet you tell me detail by detail how you 'told him off.' And you complain that he's dead --in so many ways, but maybe you are too --in a way --as YOU picked him.I feel it was the first month of your life, screaming for help or love and getting rejected. You got touchy at the same time as you got DULLED DOWN to the effort it takes to get anything. In your mind, you were broken in to use tremendous struggle, tremendous tantrums were required just to get a meal.
Well she didn't understand that one bit. She refuted: I was too young to feel that. I don't recall that. It didn't affect me at all. I disagreed. "You know, Melissa, you are getting to be a collector of injustices. One puts as much misery into this universe --taking offense as giving it." That went right by her. Folks who experience huge pain at a fragile young age often spend their life trying to relive it and process it better by voluntarily yet unconsciously repeating it. She couldn't get that theory at all! The woman has no psychological inner vision! No backboard to play ball off, intellectually. Some door is closed. And her eyes are very close together so she's stupid now and was stupid then.
Still, I tried another approach "What earthly good do you think it does to point out to this dude some slight from a few days earlier...48 hrs after the BF was a rejecting you, kind of 'out of it, rude, an out of touch boy? Or what good it does even pointing it out at the time of this sin of 'omission'.
You are trying to get a payoff from a recrimination, from imposing guilt. IN LIFE THERE IS ONE RULE. Never collect injustices. Bad things to hoard. You must absolutely once and for all STOP COLLECTING 'INJUSTICES'. Showing that lout 'hindsight photos' of himself as 'dysfunctional' is the one weapon that doesn't work on men. It makes them look at THE WOMAN as if she were nuts and hate us and QUIT US! It is a feeble attempt at emotional blackmail. Sure, life doesn't give us steak on a platter every time but to bitch to a guy who's just doin' what comes naturally to him (eating, drinking and then sleeping,) is folly. Especially since you signed on knowing he didn't have THIS sex SITUATION too tightly wired in the first place. (i.e. he has glaucoma meds, they render you impotent, total E.D. eats nothing but junk food, never goes to gym, he's going thru divorce, works from 4 am thru the whole day into the early eve..) It's like a girl dating a homeless guy and being furious he didn't buy her dinner.
You tell me "he made me feel rejected".. A.) Gal, YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF, you expected dinner from a man who hasn't a sexual nickle to spend with you and B.) YOU ARE now trying to COLLECT INJUSTICES OFF THIS? ! C.) this is your life pattern, feeling unloved, orphaned, abandoned and I know this from your telling me about your first thirty days in hospital then orphanage! With Nurses mechanically giving you bottles but no delicate, tender bonding & ADORATION from a mommy. The horror of that deeply imprinted a pattern of FLEEING FROM FEELING, one that you, like all walking wounded, try to RE-LIVE every single day of your life. SEEKING the same insult again and again. On a mobius LOOP of rejection!
THAT is what is not known about NEUROSIS. Not popularly known, anyway. THAT the VICTIM unconsciously but with superb aim, seeks to experience the very ORIGINAL SIN ..over and over again, seeks to FEEL BETRAYED, UNLOVED, misused, AND deliberately picks THOSE WHO REJECT! You spotted
that lack of enthusiasm for vigorous, romantic bonding in this BF from the gitgo. As he has E.D. he did not put the make on you. You went up, flirted boldly, you CHOSE HIM. And now you whip him for his 'problem?' a certain shyness, non aggressiveness which allowed you to be the TOM BOY MALE chasing HIM... and you walked right up to him and finally unsuccessfully seduced him. Dated him for six months where he never tried anything sexual... a man whom you hand picked, hand chose? YOU chose him for demure shyness now you KEEP TELLING HIM he's RUDE, COLD, HURTING YOU? And when you do that, there is STILL no relief for YOUR ILLNESS. You were abandoned at birth by your mother, thrown into a pile of screaming orphans, unloved, not HELD. You are just screaming the same words at the BF 'YOU ARE NOT HOLDING ME!) YOU ARE NOT filling my heart, you're not TENDER. It is the same old crime your Ma did echoing and echoing thru your throat. You are digging the hole deeper and deeper. so D.) consider stopping this line of thinking. That's YOUR sick pattern showing up, not his! You aren't gonna whip a sexually dysfunctional guy into being HOT AND LOVING. Women can't rape men or say 'love me damnit.'
Tell me What the heck dya think ya gonna get out of this game? You think you can train him to be 'loving to you' as you train a dog? EVEN A DOG if you make him GUILTY after the fact doesn't get it. A brutal kind of imposition of GUILT can be established at the moment of commission of a sin but not later! Dog mind and Man mind aint too diff. You slap the offender with a rolled up newspaper the second he says I don't feel like sex. You say 'no, bad dog' in a loud voice while slapping him with the newspaper. THAT MIGHT WORK better than trying to come back a few days later and saying 'I was hurt.'
So Here's what real women do when a guy 'slights' them. Here's what you might do. Experience the primal wound of being unloved to the point that you are weeping. The key word is experience it. I am not saying 'get really tearful. Pretend to be tearful. No, I'm saying 'feel the pain and CRY! That is how a MAN feels it, thru you really feeling something, thru EMOTIVE contagion. IF YOU CANNOT WEEP for real, he cannot FEEL. Men don't feel. That isn't their long suit. They have only half a brain, the mental side. We are their PORTAL to feeling. If you yourself cannot feel, you cannot criticize him for not feeling! You can't collect injustices based on being stony, turned off, mental and cold CUZ YOU ARE WORSE and that means YOU ARE FAILING IN YOUR JOB AS A WOMAN to be the avenue to the world of sensitivity, feeling, emotion, tenderness, etc.
FEELING and letting ourselves FEEL 110% and then WEEPING OUT of true feeling is the only tool we have to GIVE THEM THE KEY to get thru that door and you cannot fake it, Meryl (actually Streep can, one of the best 'semblers ever known, I read her palm when she's on screen and see she is high tech mimic, not a feeling method actress, but she can mimic any feeling the way she mimics accents.).
Too feel and show this man your true feeling YOU MUST BE HURT AND WEEP AND it must be done the very second he commits the infraction. But you, iron maiden, you don't have a wound zone like most women do. You have the top layer, the ANGER zone and you have it so THICK that you cannot feel a wound, and /or if you do it's just to the EGO which is a mental appl. Not a feeling app. (application in computer parlance.)
So imagine this: he buys dinner, you two come home, he says no sex, won't even try, I didn't take my viagra pill. IF YOU FELT THE SORROW, for real, on this kind of 'mini-infraction' you would suddenly have tears running down your cheek. "AHhh" you'd cry "you don't love me, you didn't take your E.D. pill.'' But we know this, weeping cuz a guy didn't love you, call you, spend enuf time with you, all of those are FORBIDDEN TO SMART WOMEN as it makes the woman look like a homeless baglady of the emotions. Demanding, recriminating. A total turn off to a healthy guy who only wants to CHERISH a woman and desire, on his own, to embrace her..
As she inspires feeling that way, too. Thru his cherishing gear. But nagging yentas do not get cherished.
I went on "Remember when we first spoke, all I told you those first meetings, when I heard what you were doing, calling him to ask why he didnt' phone you up, why he didn't want to come see you, etc, was WARN YOU of lesson one. NEVER ask a man for more time or more love! The only thing a woman can rightfully ask a man for is more food or money. The only hope we women have is FEELING with 'the show and tell' demonstration of gentle voices, gentle, evocative words or at stressy times, tears and they have to be real. And with one theme only. How you hurt. Not how bad he is, but what it feels like to be you going thru this."
I tried to explain the principle of vicarious emotions. EVER watch a bad actress cry on screen? Nothing touches your heart. Audience doesn't feel it. But if a very fine actress really feels the pain on screen, the audience starts sobbing. The BF has to DO SOMETHING that makes you weep. For instance a woman has a baby, the family is hungry. He gambled at Casino, spent money on whores. Her weeping opens his heart to their plight. There is then a chance that the addict will not gamble and waste cash on whores again. WEEPING is a portal that women have to get THRU to her man, to get through a mental door, a door shut to him all his life. The world of feeling is BLOCADED TO MEN to a great extent as his brain is the LEFT BRAIN ONLY. Women has left AND right brain. Men cannot get thru that door. LIFE stranded him without emotions, able to kill a foe, an enemy a pirate, a bear, kill a bird to eat. WOMAN was given the RIGHT BRAIN, empathy, emotional, imagination. She cannot go hunt a bear. She has deep emotions, would probably not want a baby bear somewhere to be orphaned. Woman is all sensitive emotion. But not you,' I told my client. "You are mental so you can't even open that FEELING door to yourself. Due to primal injury first 30 days of life which left that door shut! You are a talkaholic. Can easily go two hours without stopping, without feeling any need to stop. I AM BETTING that YOU DO NOT get PRIMAL WOUNDS, ever. I'm betting you go see Bambi or Dumbo with the same stoic tom boy reaction. Reason is, cuz you are armored like a TANK. WHEN a child is beaten, neglected, not breast feed, not held, not cooed at and held, skin to skin by an adoring caregiver first thirty days infancy, the weeping, fitful, pain-torn infant GOES ROBOT on us. IS MENTAL but that's all. That fact of no loving at all for one month of life taught you to steel up and go into your head, stay way from heart, stay mental! You are permanently damaged and except for therapy that banishes mind entirely (Yoga, meditation, psychedlelics like LSD that totally obliterate the MIND and all its programming,) you cannot ever heal. You have all the symptoms of a mental case. YOU TALK without stopping for hours at a time, like a parrot on caffeine, without once stopping. In my entire life, I've never known anyone this 'end of spectrum.' in that regard. there is no emotion, no love, no nothin' in you but "I AM OFFENDED, I AM ANGRY, I AM EGO UPSET, I AM MENTAL, oh and one more, I CRAVE SEX AS A RELEASE. You have transferred all emotions to your sexual areas a very frequent choice by the walking wounded. (another being oral erotics, ice cream, chocolate, creamy things, baby tasties) You are a zombie of the mind.. relegated to the tomb by day, wandering the city looking for LIFE FORMS to SUCK at night and you cannot see it as this is all you know.
ANOTHER WOMAN who had an intact EMOTIONAL BODY would weep at a slight. Her heart would be stabbed, she'd cry tears. The orphan DOES NOT, CANNOT. Why? The orphan cried those tears for thirty days at birth and then steeled up. THIS LIFETIME, your real birth mother who broke the primal tie assured that you her daughter would be like a woman on novocaine forever, or for this lifetime, really as you WILL GET ANOTHER LIFETIME and chances of your experiencing this twice are ZILCH as the universe is karmically forgiving, BUT if you really want to assure that you will never ever have this experience of being thrown away at birth in another lifetime, I would in this lifetime get a psych degree and work only in ADOPTION engendered IMPAIRMENT and be a loud loud worker. I'll help you edit and get in mags as this is very important. NO INFANT should even have a MINUTE without a bonding MOTHER at his side. ADOPTION should be planned only if THE NEW MOTHER is at the HOSPITAL HELPING OLD MOTHER GIVE BIRTH. And even then, the 9 month pregnancy is toxic with ANGER, HOPELESSNESS MISTRUST, PAIN emotions as this is a problem pregnancy for that poor girl.
I go on telling the orphan woman "You chastise the BF as if he were an employee at your corporation. YOU ARE MORE LIKE A CEO and a MAN THAN A WOMAN. In fact, you're abnormally masculine. You watch five to ten football games on any given weekend. You drive a new Mustang and keep it fetish clean. I've seen you scream at a woman in a parking lot who parked her grocery cart too close to your car. And twice you tore apart a gal in the check out line so that half the market heard you (It was some old gal with a big bouquet and nothing else... saying she was late to her mother's funeral and could she cut in front of us. ) TORE HER APART!
You are cold, mean and even like a man. Now, there is a chance you could find love but YOU would need a man who was tender and emotional like a woman, also one who can make your own tender, feeling doors open. I doubt such a man exists. God shuts off that YIN TRAIT in any guy with testosterone. Have no idea how it works but science reports that THIS IS A MECHANISM THAT WORKS. Different hormones for different sexes. You might believe that you'd enjoy A MAN who had a perpetual need for sex. As in your world, that is currency. But you really need A FEELING MAN, Kind of yin, to pair off or complement your yang. Probably a very tender young woman who was not able to have children, would be your best bet for marriage.
Your current BF is just a regular guy, a lummox who will look at your shrill demands like you're a nut and turn off. He IS NOT FOR YOU. Nor are you for him. You must quit him or one day you will put a heavy object thru his skull and end up in jail. Instead, get psych degree, write student loans, become an author, and save this piece right here to cache now o your C: drive on a sub directory called MY PSYCHOLOGY CAREER or PSYCH C:\PSYCH and give this life to GOD. YOu do have an axe to grind but it's about MOM abandoning you on your first day of life, 30 days of hospital nurses feeding you bottles, creating a messed up human. Your anger is not at HIM or the other guys who mistreated you. ANYONE who knows you would want to put an axe thru your angry, talky, complaining head.
ANY PRIMAL SCREAM student knows that RAGE is a cover up level for primal wound. Rage is the easy emotion. Wound is much harder to access and takes spiritual grit to get to, to uncover. One gets into therapy to have that break thru to true feeling. To feel our primal wound is an accomplishment. You cannot. You were shut off at birth. Dedicate your life to psychology not dogwalking. Take this act on the road, to college. To running therapy for women who want to send a kid to an orphanage. Become the Montessori of modern day people NEVER abandoning a newborn to hospital nurses. Great and most dharmic career for someone who has this particular axe to grind. But you don't. Because you are mad at the wrong person, an unloving BF whom you picked so you could RE-EXPERIENCE that which you cannot heal nor purge. And you are not mad at the real offender, the unloving mother who walked away from the hospital bed as you endlessly sucked your fists and wept. My take on this is that a child weeps an hour and then becomes made of hate and resentment. Weeps a second hour and gets the mind of an accountant. Weeps a third hour and he has the heart of a serial killer. Weeps a fourth and is a total zombie.
All of us are orphans to some degree as mothers don't always leave, they often are just distracted. As I was. And I was with my four babies every minute of their infancy. So that leaves the 'distracted and unfocused' factor inherent in women juggling careers, jobs, side responsibilities. Jugglers don't see the cause of damage as they're GONE. Juggling is almost as bad as total disappearance. It leaves the child shallow, disaffected, addicted to 'mass distractions' like TV or serial romances, resentful of the parent too and today, that's what I notice in my own children. (I was a single mother, married to a Spaniard in Mexico. I walked out on hubby with 4 children under arm, he never saw them again.)
So my final deduction is, Muslim women, economically dependent on a man, no hope of a second marriage, left alone in the hut with the babies, make the most emotionally whole children on our planet. They don't get to go to market, there are no televisions. There are no flirtations or distractions. There's just baby and mommy. The baby IS the TV. The baby IS the great love. That boils down to a great childhood!
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Our POSTER is ANITA SANDS HERNANDEZ, Los Angeles Writer, Mother of 4 and career Astrologer. Catch up with her websites TRUTHS GOV WILL HIDE & NEVER TELL YOU, also The FUTURE, WHAT'S COMIN' AT YA! FRUGAL LIFE STYLE TIPS, HOW TO SURVIVE the COMING GREAT DEPRESSION, and Secrets of Nature, HOLISTIC, AFFORDABLE HEALING. Also ARTISANRY FOR EXPORT, EARN EUROS... Anita is at email@example.com ). Get a 35 $ natal horoscope "my money/future life" reading now + copy horoscope as a Gif file graphic! No smarter, more accurate love/$/ career reading out there!
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