the antidote to your own rampant passions leading you astray


by Anita Sands or astrology @ earthlink net for archive

Poor us. We gals always got it backwards. The thing that attracts men to us is that we are alive, powerful, successful, out on our own, and not hanging on their elbows, cow-eyed, hungry for attention, whimpering like a cocker-spaniel, slavish in our servant-like dedication and hungry to be loved by them and whining when left alone.

Adorable, active, lovable independence, plus tremendous, brilliant talents that the man spots will be passed on to his sons and daughters --that is attractive to a man. Maybe not to a Muslim but to the modern man. A fellow can still cherish a woman who continues her education, developing talents that she'll use. The modern man doesn't think a woman wants to stay at home doing laundry all day. The contemporary husband knows that education, a job, the resulting popularity, cashflow, renown and busy-ness make him look good too. But do women understand that the very things we love in THEM, we forget to do ourselves when we fall into love. If you have had problems with men, some variation of this not standing up in your skin may be what created  the difficulty.

As a Los Angeles astrologer, I meet thousands of women a year, and hear their stories. I see girls who gave a lot to a guy, then got abandoned.  I see girls who could not leave men who mistreated them because they had nothing in life EXCEPT their abuser. What I see girls doing, in every case, is trading in a separate and successful existence, for a very unattractive in-activity. In courtship they just wait for him to call, wait for the phone to ring.When dating him, they always ask for MORE TIME and MORE LOVE turning him OFF BIGTIME. In marriage, they rock a cradle and wait for him to come home and now they complain about no time and no love.

Their function is to admire THEIR MAN. They mirror his 'greatness' back to him. Some do it to flatter him enough to stick around. Women fan their man's egos and lest it be said that we are totally selfless, what we actually are doing is buying ourselves a little bit more of THEIR fascination, interest and time with this mirroring act. Not a LOT of time for this tilted love affair never lasts very long. 'Yes Men' (or women) who 'suck up' when they're lucky -- are found out. When the ruse works, and they nail their prey, they quickly find they married an egomaniac who tortures them thenceforward, until memory of the lost career is sufficient to torture by itself. The love will be lost either way.

How does the love affair of the devotee and the great one die? Maybe a few years from now, the devotee (you) simply wakes on the wrong side of the bed and doesn't see the great Man's greatness, (maybe she woke on the RIGHT side--) but somehow she only sees the great one's colossal ego, unkindness, self-absorption, pettiness, a complete dark side the devotee claims not to have had a CLUE was there. Huh? She wakes from her sleep with this immense start.

This person we were praying to on bent knees suddenly seems a real jerk. The jerk, of course, catches the briefest sight of a gaze of alarmed, turned-off acrid distaste and boom! He knows the jig is up. He's been revealed as an impostor and like Dracula at the first crack of dawn, he unfolds his wings and flies away.

That lover is history. He has departed the affair without a glance backward at his former awe-struck devotee. Dracula suddenly finds that his royal persona, the self-image which formerly burned brightest with our pounding palms as wind, our blood, sweat and tears for fuel ---burns a little brighter with a new admirer and off he flies to once again recapture his own sense of greatness with a new blood source.

How many years did we waste being a false being's blood source this time? Last time? Next time? All the times strung together? Did we lose just our youth? Our middle Age? The prime of our energy? The sparkle of our mind? How much did we weep? How many children did we bear during the course of this charade? How many books did we not read? how many schools or seminars did we not attend while we walked around in a foggy haze of love? How many friends were we too depressed to join on outings? How many exciting careers did we miss? How many of our own talents went unused while we applauded another's?

The GREAT SELF that WE were suffocated while we were addicted to a stupid, petty drug---the hope of getting a little of the loved one's love, time, touch, recreational hours, company, etc. Like a demented pussycat, we waited like a cat at a mouse-hole where no mouse appeared, hour after hour, day after day, year after year. We withered as we stared at that blank hole. Our talents atrophied. Our brains shriveled. We got old and crazy. We self immolated.

SUCCESS IN LOVE means waking up to this sloppy, self-destructive, wasteful, foolish habit, say before the age of 30. 25 would be nice of course, but 30 would be o.k. There'd still be some time to be successful in love if one awoke to the sick dynamics in most love affairs by 40. But this obsessive romanticism persists in women well into their fifties. This obsessive romanticism is infantile. It is nothing more than the play of the neurons on the mind. The human is trapped in the grasp of his or her hormones and reproductive tissue. And even when the hormones abate, the mind clings to the prior hormonal insanity like an aging co-ed weeping into a dead corsage while going through her high school yearbook.

If you had a choice, would you sign up for a club where you had to remain in such a state of enthrallment and addiction? Where you had to --with each breath,---look at life through the eyes of a yin or yang automatic meat puppet? The male scurries to find lucrative money making games and to develop a persona that attracts beautiful women into having sex with him; the female scurries to make herself intoxicating looking in order to trap a successful male into legal baby-making. Neither develop their minds, their social responsibility. Neither works for the planet. Neither looks outward at the world in which he or she lives. Neither had really audacious ideas for businesses that would inform, awake, teach, heal or employ others. Not even hardly.

To be in the grasp of the romance obsession, the false pink cloud, no matter how cushy and pink it may be at some brief, fleeting moments, is to be in the grasp of a FEVER that can and will distract us from real life and from the most important things. If Mother Teresa had had pretty legs or men chasing her at age l8, or if she had been susceptible to legs and men, about 50,000 people MORE would be dead or starving in Calcutta. This one existence prevented a great deal of suffering. So, there is no addiction more distracting, stultifying or harmful than over-emphasizing love of the opposite sex, and putting THE HOTS at the top of your life agenda.

The Jungians would argue with this, saying that opposites must attract, that polarities attract most firmly and that the yin or most usually---female partner by NATURE will want to stay home and do nothing but procreate and nurture babies and fan the ego of the yang, active accomplishing partner, and not to worry, that at age 40 the duo will suddenly trade places when the man runs out of testosterone and his ego is ready, willing and able to let the wife move into gear as the breadwinner while he stays home and putters about the garden and tries new quiche recipes and this newly liberated woman can move out and get a career and this is the natural tide of life. The Jungians never knew the 90's job market or the 90's man.

Today men don't run out of testosterone until way later than 40. A successful businessman holds on to the male power charade until 65 if he's to be considered successful. And Kurchen Kuchen und Kinderwomen are eroding their brains and popping Prozac just to be able to sit knitting with junior on the slides and swings and they're chomping at the marital bit, and doing so throughout the marriage, in spite of any amount of PTA and by age 40 the job market doesn't want them so they add to the mood swings of menopause by doing some serious drinking.

What is interesting is that if both the teen male and female would awake from the automatic hunger for romance in a finger snap and were suddenly to become primarily interested in working on themselves, then bettering the planet, and doing audacious, ambitious work that they loved and were interested in, doing it well, ---love, romance the opposite sex and the pink cloud would go chasing them down the street non-stop.

Beingness attracts havingness, always did, and never the other way around. Woman's liberation means waking up before that "opposite sex loves me" needle gets in our arm, because once it does, there will be no end to the addiction.

Romanta-holics run like greyhounds chasing a stuffed rabbit even if it was rubbed with only one drop of blood. They wait for years outside mouse-holes where no mouse exists.

There should be classes in grade school to prepare us for puberty. But there aren't. Education has progressed to the point where young people can be taught theorems that will launch machines that can fly 90 million miles to Jupiter but there is a serious chink in their education regarding the two feet of meat between their gonads and their brains on their OWN machine.

The fact that there are a lot of things more important than pursuing ideal romance while in a deep hypnotic trance is finally dawning on a lot of middle-aged people who will squint sadly at the fact, recognize truth in it, but not know what in the hell to do with the fact.

What is needed is a few dozen 'Success in Love' Seminars, one in each city, with block captains, textbooks, tests and aversion therapy like Clockwork Orange because we no longer have a "guru lineage", grandmothers who bounce grandchildren on their knees and warn them with instructive parables, aunts who slyly tell us the secrets of the family so we'll be HIP to what's really going on out there in life.. Due to a dearth of illuminated, tribal storytellers, fired by the spirit of "I am my granddaughter's keeper," we need seminars. Due to a lack of poets who can write accurate mythologies about foolish mermaids who were goddesses at the get-go but who --- drugged into sleep by an evil fairy, fell prey to the sight of a man on the shore and were moved to trade their magical, fleet tails and sea kingdoms to walk on stony earth with clumsy, painful bleeding feet, --- we need GURUS.

In American literature, fiction and film today, the useful, instructive fairy tales that might get written lie at the bottom of the pile in a toybox full of gag-me-with-a-spoon Barbie doll movies. Did all wisdom die? Have concrete, freeways, streetcar tracks, parking lots and smog covered all traces of the ancient ancestral true knowledge? Will the truth ever be taught again?

It will be taught if you want to learn it? STUDY the files at THE RUTHLESS RULES OF LOVE ARCHIVE, some fun, never boring and quite true  LOVE LESSONS, then you can hit the CONVERSATION 101 ARCHIVE, grab a little of the fancy stuff and immediately converse with the most powerful men on an equal level.  THEN STUDY THE MONEY FILES so you can create your own capitalist industry.  Or if you get lucky and marry a billionaire, you create  small charity which grows huge over the years.

You can also teach these LUCK IN LOVE studies to other girls. Teach the MONEY files to your workers. You will change the planet.  It is not enough to give each worker a fish, we give a fishing pole. But we also give knowledge of the universe, the oceans, the men who own the oceans.

So find a pulpit. Maybe go forth and start Loveaholics Anonymous Groups in your living room. Develop its curriculum (ask me for the file). Carry the Glad Word to women. BECAUSE YOU CARE and have passion, you can affect minds, hearts, souls, reason, history.

The religion of MEN being the only hot shot on the block is over with. Equality is the keynote of our time. Each different but equal. The MALE SO HOT, the woman so trampled is over with.  "Otherism" was a false religion. The religion of  GIRLS BEING WISE, gently powerful and wise, FAITH in Self and the ripples you can make on important levels, not trivial the True religion.

Learn how YOU can start a living room group called LOVEAHOLIS ANONYMOUS, to teach women about courtship and marriage, --a church basement WOMEN's EDUCATION group in your town. Get a local psychologist to teach it & you will make some money doing your town a service. You will also forward the action on the planet and change history. When you change simple, beautiful women into BRILLIANT BUSINESS PEOPLE, you change a city and change a city you change the country.Write Anita Sands, at and ask for the file or click here: CREATE GROUP

After you read that, jump-start your ambition. THE AMBITION INDEX. Start reading up on the ECONOMIC SIDE of how this planet is run reading The TRUTH ABOUT MONEY!"

Learn who runs the world and how they got that way. Smarts are mostly focus. Anyone becomes a genius if they focus. Learn how to enter the mercantilist world of MEN and make a fortune as a girl. All you have to do to walk safely in a man's world and avoid that SCORN reserved for women with wealth -- secret is be twice the woman (gentle, polite, feminine, elegant). Never mimic men's toughness. It isn't about that. It is about manners, elegance, for the female part and focus for the male part. Nothing more. And as our hearts are big, our motivation to do this kind of focusing work is unwavering.

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