THE CASE OF THE CHEATING HUSBAND
What should she have done?
by Anita Sands Hernandez
She’d met him in Church as a child. They were sweethearts since before forever (if you believe in reincarnation. She did.) The perfect, in love couple was married for 21 years and had three lovely children. He made way too much money as a corporate lawyer glibly playing with the truth in order to win big corporations their freedom from nuisance suits. They lived in the perfect Tudor house with real diamond panes and bubble glass. Antique silver from both families was used at dinner parties and there were many parties.
The offices he inhabited all day were equally posh, peopled with powerful men and beautiful women, girls who were accountants, paralegals, legal secretaries, all of whom knew exactly who had the six figure salaries. Twenty one years into his marriage he began sleeping with a gorgeous young, shapely stylish accountant. The numbers really added up for him. He became addicted to her.
His lovely wife, the star of the church choir, who’d had children yet kept her figure, her youth, and was even more of a Goddess, couldn’t compete with the endless, fresh, hot, novelty sex. The narcotized hubby began to be derelict in his marital attentions. (I imagine his legal work suffered, too.) When the wife confronted him with what she suspected, he totally left her bed saying she was a jealous shrew who made things up. (Remember, he was good at nuisance suits.)
A little further inquiry into the hubby’s paper trails (home office, phone bills lying around are not a good idea, fellahs!) and the shocked wife knew who and where and what the younger girl was. When the wife phoned the mistress up, the girl said in blasé tones, ‘Arthur’s told me about you. You’re dreary, a bore, a shrew. You’re old hat, history. He’s going to leave you sooner or later because you’re boring and I’m not.”
At that point, the husband baldfacedly began staying away for the entire weekend and coming home with a suntan. That happened every single week-end!
That’s when she called me, I leapt into SERVICE. (Anita the Astrologer, astrology at earthlink.dot.net ) I heard the story, did the hubby’s horoscope, saw he was all Gemini, about as deep as a puddle and had no soul to lose. JUPITER transiting SCORPIO was on his natal VENUS. I threw the astro dice on specific questions. It appeared hopeless. HE was welded to the young blonde at the hip. Could one make an addict quit? YES, if the scare were big enough. So I sketched out to her PLAN A. the most drastic of the solutions she had:
"You are going to make him lose face if you do this but tell everybody about the girl, his parents, her own family, her big brother especially, his best friends who probably know anyway. Tell the church pastor, and a few of the church members who know you best. Tell your own parents, and THEN……bite the bullet, TELL the kids and then, the very next day after you’ve informed everyone, disappear off the face of God’s earth!
She blanched. Over the phone I could hear the color white.
“Oh yes. Plan A is called 'GONE GIRL'. Leave your credit cards, purse, leave your wallet. Take only a few thousand cash and do not pull that cash out that day. It must be saved slowly over months or borrowed from a confidante so that no one can spot money leaving your account as if you were about to take a trip. And no one can see an internet history of your looking to rent a room in Kansas. You use wireless PC at a Starbucks to do that. Now, cover your head, wear dark glasses, wear a hoodie so no video camera can see you. Take your car, and drive using no freeways with cameras. You PARK the car by the nearest bridge where there is a fast flowing river….now, resist the impulse to leap in. Instead, walk to a main boulevard, take a bus to the train station or bus station. DO NOT call UBER. Then take the bus or train to Kansas or Mom’s house in another state, but don’t take planes as they demand photo I.D.
“Now what will happen is, he will file a missing person report. (Not parents whom you told the truth as they would die of heart attacks if Plan A weren't known by them. And go to jail for fraudulent police report.) He will call cops. Detectives will enquire after your mental state, hear about ten different versions of stories about your hysterical despair, weeping and then if not accuse him of murdering you, seriously think it. The family won’t believe that. They’ll think he drove you to suicide.Especially when your car is found by the bridge!
“The week you are gone, do not call anybody. Don’t call kids, don’t call friends, family. LET them all be on him, screaming at him, accusing him of that sordid affair that you TOLD them all about a week or so earlier.
“I guarantee you ..He will leave the mistress. Which he’d never have done if you were still happily in his kitchen giving him energy and power and joy with your beautiful presence. Not to mention those ten ingredient raw salads and the tofu that made him so slim and gorgeous.
Now the next choice is harder. Do you smile and tell him to GET LOST and get a divorce lawyer?
Give him UP? Yes I said. Do you subtract yourself from the equation in righteous indignation? Or move to Mom and Dad's to give him time to think? Cuz that's time with his mistress, you don't want to throw him into her arms. Or do you stay in the house training him to be a good husband by HOME at 5:30 PM and NO WEEK-ENDS in the sun without you and the two children along. See at this point he's jello, putty in your hands, so my advice is NEVER throw a jello man to a blonde. Gum yourself in like a pineapple piece, sweet, shimmery and never saying a recriminating word. It's very similar to potty training a dog.
My client the woman in despair said she'd think about it. She mails me a check but no phone calls for weeks. I’m waiting with bated breath! I start to forget.
A month later, I get this letter in the mail “It was helpful to chat with you even though I did not carry out your suggestion concerning my cheating husband. I guess I just lost my nerve I guess I’m just not confident or ready to deal with all the trauma that’s going to happen when the affair gets out in the open. The kids, school, relatives, community, church, etc. Do I tell the kids before I run away? No. I can't. That was the big one. They'd think I was dead. I couldn't do that to them. Also, I’m worried about his job, our finances, kids’ education. Also, I guess I’m still hopeful that if I empower myself more, continue to keep the home and children organized, eventually he’ll come to his senses. Or either the young girl will end the relationship because she’ll grow tired of waiting for him. I know she’s looking to snag a husband. My husband at this point has his cake and is eating it too. Same suntan on weekends.
My oriental friend advised me to let my husband & the girl have their little fling outside. This type of husband always wants to come home to their nice families. Women think: "If I push too hard at this point, I’ll lose him because he will just move in with his #%)!+b mistress. She'll be serving cornflakes to my babies two weekends a month! The families are destroyed, children suffer the loss of Dad but it evens out. Eventually the mistress who became a second wife will exploit, divorce & destroy the husband and move on to other men. Because that's what she does. She's a Pro. Nonetheless, he will suffer. Time wounds all heels.” The karma men that don't see coming is on them.
The Love consultant says a woman should have the higher love and raise him out of his weakness by showing a higher standard of sacrificial love for him and the family. I always believed that the family was sacred, the husband wife unity was holy. I’m still in shock that this is happening in my marriage and maybe am still in denial. For twenty one years he had been a very caring husband and father.” She signed off. I let the letter fall beside my keyboard.
A year later, I heard after a year of tranquilizers and sleeping pills, a suicide attempt or two, she had a nervous break down and was in a mental hospital. The husband divorced her, took the kids and remarried his mistress. The children hated the stepmother in spite of the cornflakes but couldn’t bring themselves to visit Mom after one visit where she had to be carried off weeping and screaming.
Ah well. Sic transit Gloria Mundi.( The mistress was named Gloria and she neither sicked nor transited actually. She got the man, his house, his inheritance. His pension when he checked out and something she really didn't want. THE KIDS. So ladies? Get him into therapy but do not divorce him and don't make scenes or drink or make him lose face, or make him guilty. THREATEN to tell all your friends and relatives but do not do it.
HOW TO TELL IF A MAN IS CHEATING.
TAKE OFF YOUR ROSE GLASSES AND LOOK!
If you see he's doing it, re-read this article!
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