18 things I want from Mexico when I cross the border and move there.
(HILARIOUS AND VERY ACID)

Dear President Obama:

I'm planning to move my family and extended
family into Mexico for my health, and I
would like to ask you to assist me.

We're planning to simply walk across the
border from the U.S. into Mexico , and we'll
need your help to make a few arrangements.

We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas,
passports, immigration quotas and laws.

I'm sure they handle those things the same way
you do here. So, would you mind telling your
buddy, President Calderon, that I'm on my
way over?

Please let him know that I will be expecting
the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats
for all services I might need, whether I use
them or not.

3. Please print all Mexican government forms
in English.

4. I want my grandkids to be taught Spanish
by English-speaking (bi-lingual) teachers.

5. Tell their schools they need to include
classes on American culture and history.

6. I want my grandkids to see the American
flag on one of the flag poles at their school.

7. Please plan to feed my grandkids at school
for both breakfast and lunch.

8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license
so I can get easy access to government
services.

9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico
but I don't plan to purchase car insurance, and
I probably won't make any special effort to
learn local traffic laws.

10. In case one of the Mexican police officers
does not get the memo from their president to
leave me alone, please be sure that every
patrol car has at least one English-speaking
officer.

11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house
top, put U. S. flag decals on my car, and have
a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not
want any complaints or negative comments
from the locals.

12. I would also like to have a nice job
without paying any taxes, or have any labor or
tax laws enforced on any business I may start.

13. Please have the president tell all the
Mexican people to be extremely nice and
never say critical things about me or my
family, or about the strain we might place on
their economy.

14. I want to receive free food stamps.

15. Naturally, I'll expect free rent subsidies.

16. I'll need Income tax credits so although I
don't pay Mexican Taxes, I'll receive money
from the government.

17. Please arrange it so that the Mexican
Gov't pays $4,500 to help me buy a new car.

18. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me
free into the Mexican Social Security program
so that I'll get a monthly income in
retirement.

I know this is an easy request because you
already do all these things for all his people
who walk over to the U.S. from Mexico . I
am sure that President Calderon won't mind
returning the favor if you ask him nicely.

Thank you so much for your kind
help. You're the man!!!

signed, GRINGO SEEKING LA VIDA LOCA
 

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