THE RUTHLESS RULES OF LIFE (which when FOLLOWED will make you GREAT. Or which when taught to your child WILL MAKE him or her GREAT)
It's about more than just MANNERS?
Yes, darling. It's about being kind and graceful. We want you to be successful and competent which school will teach you, but to be happy and lucky, it behooves you to learn the Ruthless Rules of Reality and then the OTHER TEN COMMANDMENTS. On this page, you will read the time-honored modes of thought and action that lead to having a blissful, sane and successful life and mind.
These rules show up in Ancient religions like Buddhism, Judaism, Christianity, also in Post-Freudian psychiatry as well as in our legal codes. They show up in the writings of New age Philosophers like Deepak Chopra, Byron Katie and Neal Walsch. Now, they will show up on your lips parents, so that your children teach themselves to follow them, make them instinctive and natural thusly becoming great, educated and kind, not automatic and venal.
When a child in his actions or candid conversational confidences, shows you where his habitual thinking diverges from 'the rules,' aren't you glad that you were there, to spot it! Mom or Pop, laying in wait, handy with a reference point that puts the child back on the road map toward living gracefully.
So when Junior blurts out that his opinion is X and hearing it, you get the feeling someone hit you between the eyes with a hammer, you will know the exact rule that kid is breaking and be handy with a pointer. Generally, the rules for good living are these:
1.) NEGATIVE OPINIONS ARE A BAD ADDICTION! Opinions are the poor man's way of feeling High and Mighty. Opinions are real cheap. Anyone can have them. Having one doesn't make you better than the offender, even though for a minute our judgment makes us feel like Gods on Olympus. Unfortunately, that need to look down on others and do it in a group at times, in order to feel sanctimonious in our opinions and good about ourselves is a real addictive, negative and quite common tendency. Teach Junior to catch himself alone and in the group, and do a real quick 180 when he's mouthing off mentally or aloud and his opinion is judgmental or negative. Help the child listen to himself when he's ranting on about his opinions, perceptions on things or people, what's wrong with someone, their acts, words, making him have rage which he's sharing with a confidante and see such sharing as a kind of savage group hate ritual. Help the kid to see the original rage-causing event from the offender's viewpoint, so that the child learns to reverse his rigid perceptions and subjective judgements and see it from another's point of view. The offender's point of view. In other words, to be so acrobatic that at first sign of inner explosion, he becomes aware and can with mental agility do a total180. As a corollary, cut others some slack. Most folks haven't learned the rules and are asleep. So it shouldn't be a surprise they commit a faux pas. When they do, mirror them gently. Show how this behavior which they USED to do should be replaced with this OTHER method. How you understand they were just surviving as well as they could doing that old behavior. No biggie. But they should get the new habit.
2). Avoid Black and White thinking. Live is many shades of color. Black and white Spectrum thinking with a magnetic charge over on the ends of spectrum designated as "ure white like and total black dislike" is juvenile, automatic, and highly habitual. Often things we LOVE are quite bad for us and things we don't like are quite good for us. And qualities we dislike in people aren't our business. Unless your mind is stuck on having opinions.
3.) GOD GAVE US SHORT NOSES. Don't stick the ole nose into other people's stuff. Judgements about how others look, act, behave, run their lives is simply sticking our nose into other people's business. Point out to your child (not when he's doing it, as that is a slap, criticism,) but that as a rule, we shouldn't indulge in thinking about other people's business and opining on it. It's wasted calories. Useless. Won't approve the offender one bit. Judging gets to be a bad habit and makes for a career as a talking head or lawyer.
4.) FEET IN THE NOW. Stay square in the Here and Now. Remembering the past and worrying about the future are two real bad habits. When the child does it, remind him that only in the present can he be, do, choose, create, decide or fix anything. Thinking about past mistakes won't help or change a thing. So why got here? If we're inattentively stuck in the past that dumb past mistake is likely to repeat. If we're focused to try to get the lesson out of it, unlikely the same set of circumstances will repeat, so though we think we're protected and primed, we are not! Every set of events is unique. So there's no extracting anything useful from ruminating on the past.
Likewise, attempts to visit and know the future are futile as the future will be unique. And it tends to be created by what's in the now. You can't plan for the future if you were never in the now. Futures are built here and only in the now. So now is all there is. Be adept, acrobatic, charming, here and now. Be focused here and now. One great thing that happens when you learn to do that is, --- you will never walk into a room or a conversation and talk about things nobody else was talking about, volunteer facts nobody needed to hear, embarrassing yourself, nervously dither on with non sequiteurs, conversational dead ends, go down back roads that nobody wanted or go off on tangents, showing us you have a disorganized, subjective maybe even lunatic mind.
5.) WHAT IS -- IS PERFECT. Cherish what IS. The drudgery, chores and work you have to do now, today, or choose to do if you're lucky, is perfect. You might call it fated. That horrid chore or classroom was intended for you. It is part of the Curriculum you signed up for. Do it to perfection now, as that habit of enterprise, attacking the job will 'hold you in good stead' and gain you much more than shirking work, dreaming of a fantasy future or complaining about the now, or fighting the status quo involved with work. ALSO in the now is the smell the roses syndrome. If you weren't here, enjoying the delights of the now, when will you ever enjoy them?
6.) HEAR ONLY WHAT WAS SAID. Never put a spin on it, don't assume. Practice "literal listening" when others speak. Don't infer, deduce, and attribute or impute, translate, colorize or worst, waste time refuting. Just listen and see what you get from what was said. Most people are pretty direct and fairly able to get their ideas across. If you don't get a clear picture, you can ask for more ont he subject, questioning the speaker so that the words are delivered more clearly or extensively. Putting a spin on the truth is what made history books so untrustworthy.
7. ) SWALLOW BITTER MEDICINE. Honor your critics by doing your best listening without talking back. The universe is paying attention to YOU for a few seconds. How often does that happen? Someone has chosen to show you or tell you 'how you are showing up'... When they finish, nod thoughtfully and say thank you. Now, if you sting with pain, you obviously believe some of that was true. GREAT! Now you can set about fixing those things. That's a much better spot to be in than if they hadn't spoken to you at all. If what they said is bogus, you don't agree with it, they shot bullets right at you; the bullets passed thru a cloud of smoke without cutting flesh or bone, and it doesn't matter that you wasted a few minutes listening to some opinions. You thank them kindly. They stay your friend. Maybe one day they'll have something better to give you, so keep these candid people around because you are grooming yourself to be a major creator, leader and that takes a team. You don't want all polished 'yes' men around you, nor the taste for them. Keep this critical person handy remembering that if everybody says 'yes' to the boss you get Rumania. And you don't want Rumania! If your critic is just wrong time after time, you have now learned they're a dunce. No need to convince him otherwise, because at this point, he didn't make your team
There is one more thing to do when you hear harsh criticism is ask yourself, 'what did I do to pull this in? i.e. Take responsibility.
8.) Shoot from the hip. Speak clearly and truthfully. That doesn't mean be outrageous. It means you can say the truth, tactfully kindly and live to tell it again. Always do four things. Tell the truth about yourself to yourself. Tell the truth about yourself to others. Tell OTHERS the truth about themselves. Tell the truth about others to yourself. Don't get in the habit, however of telling OTHERS the truth about OTHERS. That one flies back in your teeth like a boomerang every time.
9). Be a star not a fan. No need to just be a fan and love qualities in others as if you were bereft of these qualities. If you can spot a gift, love it in another, you already have it yourself. Gifts, talents can be honed once you know they're there. Passive audience members waste a lot of time they could be using for lessons!
10) The attitude of Gratitude. Remind the child to practice being grateful for the little things in their life that are lovely or which go right. That will create a cloud of happy molecules around them and make them happy. Happy people are well nourished as happiness and satisfaction are hormonal food forms. Happy kids can pursue the future they want while people bummed out about what they don't have, become ravaged, unmotivated, bitter, dreary, unfocused. Unhappiness is junk food and a steady diet of it makes you look like Godzilla. Godzilla just doesn't get lucky.
11). Practice Random acts of Goodness- Praise, acknowledgement and affirm, doing so to anyone and everyone who does something well. The bus driver. The teacher for his explanation of the Isosceles Triangle, your grandmother for making you read that book, your mother for a meal well cooked, a friend for being loyal. This isn't nuts. You are forwarding the action when you do that. You are calling attention to greatness. You pointed out the driver's alertness. Now, that bus driver realizes that he can take the test to become a fireman or study law. That performer whose act you praised, saying 'you're headed for Hollywood,' now will work harder. People who say good things, create good things. When you continually enhance life by affirming, acknowledging, you are advancing the action. You earn good karma. You are getting your hands on the levers that control outcome. When good things happen because you suggested or promised that they would or said that they would, you are a creator.
12.) Ask for what you want from teachers, friends, parents and bosses, from God. Nobody knows what you want. You think they're psychic? If you hold your silence for years and that person didn't give it to you, and you thought they understood what it was you needed and wanted, dreamed of and they didn't ever do anything for you, you're going to be the horrified, angry, wounded, scarred one. Not they. Why would you damage yourself that much? SPEAK UP! Be your own best friend.
THE SECOND TEN COMMANDMENTS
1.) Stick with the TRUTH - Say only what you really know is true, and
don't deviate. Don't brag or pretend things that are not true. Don't
bear false witness to another, or assume that you know something that is
only a supposition. Don't lie to yourself, about yourself. Don't lie to others
about yourself. Don't lie to yourself about others and don't lie to others about others..
2.) MAKE HONORABLE CHOICES - Two paths extend from every moment. On the
left, the choice to do something you could NOT tell your Mom and Dad
about. On the right, there's a path involving choices to do things that
would make the parental units real happy to hear! Instead of 'smoking a
joint behind the school' which would KILL THEM... imagine saying 'I
studied real hard for that school test and got an A." Or "I was elected
president of the Spanish club."
3.) HANDLE ANGER - every single time that an angry thought crosses your
mind, handle it, acknowledge 'I am having an anger attack. And when you
do this, you won't lash out at anyone else. You'll be up in your smart
box pondering "This bout of anger was about x reason, x stimuli. Why
would that trigger such irritation in me?" This forces the child to get
deep into his unconscious regularly, deciding what triggered rage. If
the child understands how reactive and nutty his EGO can be, he
eventually will LOSE THE EGO. He'll also learn how to avoid making
others go into rage states as he is familiar with triggers.
4.) AVOID TIME WASTING. We were given a gift. A brain beyond any in the
history of the world. Should we waste it for large portions of the day?
No. Make good use of this superb brain the Human race was given. VALUE
its magical abilities, be in awe of its ability to bone up on 10,000 years of
history, math, evolution, knowledge, philosophy. Use it to read,
increase your familiarity with even the most obscure aspects of Human
History. WORK ON your smarts every free moment. That is done by EDITING
OUT the ZONE OUT habits. Don't waste time on ENTERTAINMENT, CELEB
GOSSIP. CHATTING WITH DUMB PALS. Instead, do reading, writing, net
research, library visits getting a stack of magazines or books. Do all
the required school work and let those themes send you GOOGLING UP
branch-out information. A routine study of cavemen might provoke your
googling up 50 different ancient civilizations. To pursue MEAT, don't fill up on
FAT. Don't let your mind habitually do the time-wasteful things. If
someone wants to get on the phone with you and gossip, beg off kindly.
"I have to study, can't talk.' A chattering monkey coming at you must
remind you to VEER immediately, asking yourself "WHY DID I PULL THAT IN?"
Re-schedule that time immediately for studying. Focus makes for good walls.
Confine the 'zone out time' to your favorite TV shows and an occasional
netflix. Keep reminding yourself, studying and reading is FUN.
5.) SHUN TROUBLE. You can feel the darkness on some people. They may
seem interesting, like characters in a novel. They may awaken compassion; the
dysfunctionality is interesting and weird like a horror film. It creeps
you out but you kind of want to hear more, see more. Don't. You can find
INTERESTING things in people of LIGHT. Don't assume they're boring.
Probe into the light people with the same avidity you were saving for
the troubled chums, folks you meet. All choices lead onto avenues. The
ones the dark beings offer become darker as you go deeper in. And inside
the cave, MOLD is contagious.
Let's you fellows choose some more RULES
Write me Anita Sands Hernandez, astrology at earthlink dot net
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