I often think of how much I enjoyed the thirty years with my sweetheart, a man who was sixty when I met him. Ninety when he passed. I thought of him today when a girl named Julie asked:

"I come into contact with plenty of rich, older men that I could probably snag.
The problem is that I can't get past the fact that I am not attracted
to them. How can I be intimate with someone I am not attracted to?
Especially for a long period of time...."

DEAR JULIE: THE ANSWER IS THIS: LOVE is not possible with someone you do not love, especially if they're hungry for your love, needy. Grabbing you all the time. YOU CANNOT FAKE romantic LOVE. One can fake a lot of things, politeness,  interest, pretending to enjoy somebody's cooking, their book, their painting but there are two things you cannot fake. FRIENDSHIP and TRUE LOVE.

Not to worry though. Your own heart can do a 180 and surprise you.. You can date a dozen different rich men, ages 50 to 60 and believe me, the day will come when one of these guys shows up as exceptional, so bright, so aware of your interests, so keenly pleased by how soulular you are that he starts to click with you. You actually can't wait to see him again.

Things that mitigate toward love or affection or even passion are the guy's ability to be FIRED UP by what you care about. It's like you push some button in your own heart and he feels it and he lights up. He also has that intriguing intellect due to HISTORY, due to the mileage on him. He's been places, it's not just class, elegance, smartness, brains and money, no it's savvy, kindness, charm. He's aged in the cask. Those people have depth and smoothness that young boys do not have, especially pretty boys don't have it. With an older man, what happens is, the fact that you two think so much alike that eventually his face seem so-- well, like those FACES on the mountain: craggy, Godlike wonderful. EVEN a much older man. MY #1 guy who stole my heart when I was thirty was  craggy and presidential to the last in my eyes.

Now he was a steamy hot sixty when I met him (above) and came with Gucci luggage, oscar winning screenwriter, (two in fact) great conversation, ex OSS (CIA to you,)  so I fell pretty quick. He was smart enough to take me out to lunch three dates in a row. I don't know if he was smart enough to be cautious to give me time, or if he was giving himself time, but by the third date I felt real affection. So give yourself a few lunch dates because daytime is conducive to trust and friendship CAN turn to love. It's important to give friendship free rein.

But don't panic with dating. Date at lunchtime and never give 'pay for dinner' free samples to guys you aren't in love with. And no free dessert to even young, hot guys because that is the dessert that turns on you! Instantly you will be hooked on some junior grade shnook cuz he was pretty and made bells go off! The result of this combustion is that you turn off on all other men and never give them a chance to become worthy in your eyes. Stay safe. Date a lot of fellows, and never get emotionally focused on one. That means no sex.  No intimacy. No nookie. It easily gets too addictive.

Really investigate who (of all the men that you date) has all those brains, that class, that insight into what YOU are about and all those other, wonderful, true qualities that you deserve and which can help you on your life mission. It may not be the fellow who hits your heart with a sudden whammy. Girls can fall madly in combustible love with a guy who's cyanide poison because of looks, a great car, superficial charm and it's all as phony as a three dollar bill. A year out you discover you are sleeping with Dracula but the sad thing is, someone would have to put a stake through YOUR heart to get you off him!

Julie, you seem to be describing the syndrome which I call "dating old farts." MEN who slobber for you, but whom ya really never want to touch. Well there are other kinds, really interesting ones. Here to the left actor Michael Kitchen, from the Inspector Foyle series on BBC. A guy I just adore. Think about making HIS last thirty years happy! He's not an old fart. A TRUE OLD FART is someone you never want to date no matter how much money he has. EVEN a billion. But safe LUNCH dates with a Michael Kitchen old fart, any girl would be crazy not to. Why not?   If he has the kind of mind you'd enjoy roaming in. Maybe he was in World War II, or knew Kennedy or understands global warming and can explain it to you. That's useful. Educational. Or maybe his friends at the Club like to join him when you're at the table, you'll have wonderful conversations with a lot of truly brilliant men, impress a lot of them and maybe find a new friend just from knowing the 'old fart.'

IF, after ten lunch dates, his passion for you is so strong he wants to marry you..........boy that would be a quandry. Say not to TEN or twenty BILLION? Kind of puts you in the Anna Nicole cat bird seat.You could say "OK but NO PRE-NUP, and you my dear mate must help me fund the TEACH VILLAGES in AFRICA TO DO ARTISANRY import/export gambit." And then he gets to crawl over MY BODY at night? I don't know if I could do it, even for JESUS! So I sure wouldn't advise a girl to go that route.

But you think of ALL THE LITTLE DYING BABIES In Africa and ASIA......Are their lives worth getting crawled over nightly by some old fart? If you can do it, you're a better girl than I am Julie. A far better girl than MOTHER TERESA was. But hey, I'm not gonna talk you out of it.  Halos are a very unusual piece of jewelry!

c'mon Julie. Fifty billion. You can do
import export with the third world to
your heart's content. Give it a try!
(unzipping sound)

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLLLLLLLLP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!