HOW TO DEAL WITH A SUPPRESSIVE, TORTURING MONSTER
Two choices come to mind. Edit them l00% out of your life or seduce them.
I know there seems to be this third choice, to tell them about their BS and get them to quit being shits but monsters obviously have NOT heard that message for the several decades that made them.
They will cling to monster hood as their way to survive and you will never be able to get them to see one facet of it. So a priori, you can never argue, teach or criticize a monster out of bad behavior. All you'll get is fangs in your hand. So face it, say adios or seduce? That's the choice. BEST is to lose them. If they're close to your heart, i.e. your sweetheart, you sure don’t want to buy into a decade or two of pathological, sick, mean treatment as your future. You must have the self-love and valor to pray to your higher self to get ready for the big break-up. If you accept weird behavior, as shrink Karen Horney says, the environment has a funny way of sensing that you're a wimp and giving you more and more and worse treatment. If it's hard to say adios, if you're passionately attached, you have to say to your higher self, ‘we HAVE to do this, leave and bust the idiot on what he's doing in a clear written and spoken statement. After all, what if he did this kinda crap to some other person down the line? What if I see him on TV for having shot a dozen people? Or worse, what if he did this to some innocent child that we both had together, this kind of neglect, this kind of unfeeling treatment?’ ' Talk to yourself in those terms and your higher self will get the message. And by magic, you'll find your justification and provocation and opportunity and be supplied with the cool off necessary to do the severing. And you will be given the smarts to do the severing in a teacherly manner so that the sadist learns something. PASSION AND HEAT are attached. Sticky. Things melt between you. The atoms melt together during the heated times and even on cool days, they're hard to break apart. But slowly work on creating the separateness without leaving. The vantage point view point of the sickie, the vision of yourselves as more and more 'separate'. Then, you know how when you freeze two separate pieces of taffy? How, if they were slightly separate when you froze them, you can immediately pull them apart? So pray for cool. Ask God to down scale the attachment to a friendship. Ask it of your higher self a dozen times a day minimum. Then, there will be no more attachment. No more molecules melting together in heat. And on the right day, post the right insult, you can do your walk out. If you can't edit the trouble source out of your life, (lover, friend or mate) say they're a relative, a boss, a co-worker, Plan II is seduction. You must woo them into sleep with a kindness that you do not really feel. Actually, many lower life forms, particularly insects have this ability, this secretion that they insert under the enemy's skin, which will lull the enemy into a happy sleep so that they can be conquered. Or eaten.
I think you can duplicate what a lower life form can do in a second! You are, after all, a human being. Top of the food chain. Find the healing, soothing power of affirmations and bathe the enemy in them, until they lose their wariness and fall into a delicious sleep. Who knows, they might even awake refreshed and be NEW PEOPLE!
AFFIRMATIONS are an art form. When Christ say, ‘go and be healed,’ ‘ you will be well,’ ‘go and sin no more,’ he was asserting that you could and would do something and that then, something wonderful would happen. He created a path that opened up in front of another person. A positive path. And stunned by the new power the dazed person walked away and was healed.
You're going to do something similar. You'll say a tiny weenie nice thing. Just toss it like a blazing quick flash of a diamond, into the conversation. You will start in this, small, almost unobtrusive way, but its something that their unconscious will pick up on immediately.
Nobody in their life is affirming good things so the veritable THIRST of your subject, will make them swallow that first diamond whole. The frog gulps the fly; you stand innocently clear, and give them time to digest. Don't press for results just then. Wait.
Next time you’re with them, again, see where that seed sprouted and grew. See what good thing is there for you to comment on in a positive way. See what's there are the key words in that sentence. Observe the next meeting. Carefully.
The real, showstopper people, the villains and madmen are the most super starved for adulation. They will believe anything you tell them. They are starved for it. There may be a brief 'huh' while they wonder what that compliment was all about, but if they don't see you hustling them immediately for anything else, they'll assume it is God's truth.
As these monsters are starved for positive feed-back, you’re definitely going to see something positive come from them. You'll start to see the first cactus in a desert bloom. This next time you'll see them, whether an hour later, day later, or a week, they will have either a positive interaction moment with you or reveal something positive. This is almost guaranteed. It will be tiny but it'll be there.
Just to get a primitive, angry, snarling, hateful monster up a level or two on the tonescale onto the level of being nice and chatty, in gratitude for your affirming that something they did was nice…. is the greatest thing we can do to another person. We do it without thinking to our own children. The most gracious affirmations, ‘boy you can really paint and sketch, kiddo. You’ll go far.’ Or ‘well done on that home run, sonny' ---we do it automatically for our precious little clones.
Well, stop being an egomaniac yourself. STOP doing it just to your little baby clone people. Do it for another human being who has very little relationship to you. Do it without motives or agenda. Practice random acts of kindness. Do it for someone from whom you’re NEVER going to get anything back. DO IT FOR A SCREWED UP individual who has no ties to you before you do it for a screwed up person who's in your life.
In fact, try this on a total stranger. Say to the grumpy bus driver: "That bus ride was amazingly good. Love the way you stopped and picked up that lady in the middle of the block.’ Or call in to the cook behind the lunch counter at the sandwich shop, 'fantastic tuna fish salad! That celery and onion really did the trick.' Or to your torturing sadist monster, who's now being somewhat chatty, say 'my, your house really looks good. You could decorate for a living!' That’s all. Get off it, move off, it’s really enough. A homeopathic dose. (That’s where a micro-millegram of one happy calorie, some smidge of poppy substance given regularly is enough to cure people of insanity and disease. I’ve seen miracle cures of sick people initiated with these micro doses by a homeopath doctor, so I am a true believer in tiny doses.) And if you laid it on with a trowel, they'd wonder.
So just this one pin-smidge of an affirmation to a stranger, or to your torturing, sadist enemy. This will cause a happy change. In both cases they will blossom like a Chinese paper flower dropped into water. The enemy person’s psyche is so ego-centered, (all trouble source people are alike that way) that they will bite down on the diamond in a flash and swallow it whole. They will believe it. Mean people have huge egos so they will sop it up like a do-nut sops up coffee. Like desert sand sops up rain. Don't follow it with anything else or they'll be suspicious. Link it to nothing. A total nonsequiteur based on a spontaneous observation of something.
You have to note something. Your eyes have to see their beautifully pressed trousers or their handsome Decor. Then you speak what you saw with admiration. Then, let it go. Now, next time they meet you, they’ll be so hypnotized by feeling that maybe they’d previously overlooked how great you were, how astute, how far beyond other people, that they will now have a new rapport born of trust. They are ready to be receptive to anything you do or say. Your judgements are now 'the true scoop.'
THIS next time, try a new tack. Mention YOUR problem. A small, nothing problem. This will encourage them to give their opinion. They will actually give their advice. Seem to digest their advice, then let a startled look pass over your face. Pull the string on that lightbulb over your head. Mention how ‘You hadn’t thought of THAT. Damn fine idea. Mention how you’re going to try that tack.
Next time you meet the enemy, tell them how well that advice worked, how it changed your life. This is a little artificial dose of the sweetness of life’s human’s interactions that they obviously hadn't been participating in before. They helped someone so now they're going to get their first 'Christian glow.' True, it wasn’t real. But it was atomically identical. Or close enough for them to see that kindness has a payoff. The feelgood syndrome.
The reason, the geist, the spirit behind your actions, words was not authentic FRIENDSHIP for this monster, nor was it a pure intention from your higher self --- wanting to heal an aberrant person. NO, you wanted to heal this monster because they were making your life a bloody minefield but, because you also affirm positively to total strangers on the bus, it’s OK. God will approve your credit card. It will work on the plane of real life and your suggestions will be read as atomically correct by the enemy's receptors and allowed to cause the same bloom that rain on a desert does.
If you have any trace of shame about this, any hesitation or nausea at ceasing the war with the enemy, remember, it’s only your own ego saying ‘I hate this person, abhor them, they’re disgusting and I want to GIVE UP on them and continue to feed on rage and chew on my own hate.’ Then it’s your ego that has the problem. You have to do the meditation and prayer to give up the scrunchy frown on your own brow, to be able to go at the frown on another's brow.
So be nice. What can it hurt? Guaranteed they are going to be healed. They are going to slide into the bay of the milk of human kindness. You will see them start to float, to swim, to respond to the human race in a kindly manner. This is wading them out into the shallow water of being a decent person. They are tasting the first drops of milk of human kindness, thru your power to mimic, to supply artificial doses of real LIGHT TOOLS, the affirmations, power and joy, the elixir vitale of being a contributor instead of a savager.
You let them 'sort of' solve your problem, the one you asked them about. They can feel HUMAN for a change and be elated at their own effectiveness.
True, they are preening with ego but at least they are one foot off their usual, savage stance of being a cruel, rapacious, mistrustful, non-belonging, sadistic ‘acting-out’ bully who gets joy out of slam-dunking kith and kin. Now he got his first thrill HELPING a kith or a kin. Next, you will engineer the complete 180. HOW? Next time, they’ll be back with something new. This is inevitable. A display of something. Keep your eyes on the details, for in that display will be one gem you can comment upon with authentic elan. They will do a kind act, or a beautiful one. SOMETHING life-forwarding will come out of them and you’ll see it. COMMENT again, affirming that they have a gift for this thing.
You will find the torturing sadist suppressive will not do that TORTURING of anyone for a while as they'll be off on this new tangent of being creative and feeling and loving and alive. But sooner or later, they'll begin to be their own savages selves and they will confide in you, "this other person is such an ego, so disgusting to me, I am so angry,’ etc. and you will start to see their essential mode of being. They slipped back into it. They are the suppressive to that person. This is a very interesting position you’ve been given. You’re privy to the monster trying to shake his dark personae again, unable to, and you'll hear the bloody details of how they are treating that person and can well imagine the victim's sorrows having once been there yourself.
Now here’s where true valor comes in. Can you sweet talk them into giving that new victim the time of day? You have no vested interest any more. Your problems were solved. You are getting all the flow you want from the monster now. But are you valorous enough to step in and see that they don’t make minced meat of the other victim? And how is that done? Remember, if you ever criticize the monster, they will show fangs. They have no ability to talk over their lacks in a peaceful way. So you have to go roundabout. INSERT the sweet pellet under the skin again, get them giddy, THEN throw in this affirmation about the victim. The new lesson you're trying to get them to swallow involves compassion for a struggler. To see the victim as a struggler, not an usurper.
You can write the rest of the story yourself, if you get this far. Or try this much. This is just the starter kit. Send this page to any friend struggling with a monster. Make the Monster lesson your homework and spiritual practice for this week, and do get back to me on how you do and apprise me of any new techniques and I'll add them to this file.
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