Then Gal, you are STUPID! There is no such muscle as GRATITUDE in men. If you give to a man, DO FOR a man, LEND a man, instead of their reacting as WE WOMEN WOULD with gratitude, a male recipient has a lingering collar tightening sensation,  an itch they can't scratch, a guilt that they don't -- CAN'T face which makes them SOUR and uncomfortable --- which in turn makes them equate us with trying to BUY their love and they lose respect for us, but also they FEEL like a loser! And they end up hating us for our good intentions.

So keep the lump in your bedsheets away from the lump in your purse. Honey and money don't mix for LADIES. Now, --- oddly, the other way around is the best way for a man to get a woman. Spend money on flowers, candy, trips, clothing, even cars and rent. He will nail that girl. And if he helps her get a job, meet a bigwig, his stock soars sky-high with her. WOMEN are truly grateful! Since cave days, bring a meal to our door, we ADORE!.

But when we speak of giving in the reverse. Giving work, effort, time to a man's career? DISASTER for a woman. When he graduates he always marries a night nurse where he's interning. HELPING A GUY might work a.) if you're in a community property state, and there are only a half dozen that I know of, (Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico and T exas, Washington and Wisconsin, last I heard, google for a newer list) and THEN that only works if you are b.) ALREADY MARRIED. But even in a community property state, a lawyer's wife  I knew got shafted. He divorced her at 9.9 yrs, and she got nothing. It helps if you're married more than ten years.

The one good thing about not marrying the man who takes money or work and gives promises, (if he breaks them,) is that if you HAD married the lout, you couldn't testify against him in a court of LAW. But if you are just his galpal, you CAN.

How many wives have sent their hubbies thru med school working forty hours a week for ten years. He becomes a doctor and the first thing he does is buy a red Ferrari. That is a big warning light.  Any man who can afford a red Ferrari will use it. TO PICK UP younger LADIES. Remember that when you help a man make it.

The only thing left to you when you give to a man is to learn to litigate when he leaves and you will have to litigate as he always does leave and he leaves declaring he's broke. That his office just clears the rent.

Well, I posted that article  Everything above this line. It hung in cyberspace for a year, then a new age holistic healer guy wrote me  "after my first marriage, to a woman who took but would  not give" . (SHE EXPECTED HIM TO PAY ALL RENT/UTILITIES/  FOOD I guess) "I decided that I would never entertain such a one-sided  relationship again." I suspect a lot of men in my generation, (50) and younger generations too, are  reaching similar conclusions.

I've seen too many of my brothers give their hearts only to have them   stomped on ... some of them stopped dating for decades after an   experience like that. I wonder sometimes if that's why there's so much loneliness in this  culture   I notice that women from other cultures don't seem to carry the same attitudes toward men and male/female relationships   that American women have. My personal life has been so much more   peaceful, nourishing and growth-promoting (for me and the women   involved) since I made it a practice to avoid women with an air of  entitlement.

Yes ... as you've probably guessed ... I'm one of those men convinced the  heart is not so small that here's room for only one other person in  it. Sometimes I think men understand this better than women. Though  the women in my life understand it ... and I support them in their  relationships and adventures. Variety is the spice of life ... and in  the world in which I move, it's understood that one can't confuse  one's life partner(s) and one's lovers ... and that sharing oneself  tastefully with more than one person generally revivifies long-term  relationships as long as one is dealing with people who are also emotionally committed to each other and adult enough to process the feelings of jealousy that can arise into compersion (the opposite of  jealousy, the feeling of identifying with one's partner's joys that  can come when one reaches a place of appreciating that one's  partner's pleasures with others don't have to threaten one's  relationship. It's a rare but quite delicious feeling. (ENCOURAGING ADULTERY? BEING A SHOPAROUND PAIR OF SWINGERS? Geez, you could make MURDER poetic!)

As with any high art, anyone can do these things badly. It's an act  of mastery to do them well. So I understand if you have a hard time  taking my POV at face value ... there's a shitload of cads ... male  and female ... operating out there. Took me most of my early adult  life to learn to spot 'em and avoid 'em.

You know ... I really don't think this is a man/woman issue. I think  it's an issue that relates to emotional maturity.

Taking from your sweetheart, without returning the chi (or anything else) creates energetic  stagnation and bad karma. I've seen some of these folks, men and  women, in their later years ... there's a deep hole within them emotionally that's never filled, lots of anger usually, victimizing  behavior ... I tend to see these folks when their health has taken a  serious turn south ... over the last two years I've been caring for  such a one (happens to be a woman) in particular. It's been wonderful  to witness how, staring death in the face, she came through the fire and now is a much more peaceful, happy, self-reflective and genuinely  giving person. My first acupuncture teacher warned me about the  taking type ... his experience was that every cancer patient he'd  ever had was like that, demanding everything and yielding nothing ... I can't say that my experience of cancer patients has been identical   to his ... but I've run into that pattern enough by now to understand  what he was talking about ...

I think this will just have to be one of those issues on which  reasonable minds will have to agree to disagree. In any event ... thanks so much for all your hard work. You may not  see the karma coming back right now ... but if it isn't already, it  will. And it will be wonderful. You're a very giving woman. You can't  help yourself.  He occasionally is generous too, when he's employed.

By the way, I still maintain that it was a very good thing that women  decided over the last 150 years or so not to let men define their political and economic lives for them. The sad thing is that it appears the men are about 150 years behind the women in terms of  letting women define the terms of our emotional and social lives for us  (WELL CUZ, You've SURE GIVEN A TRY)... but look out girrls, we're waking up!  PPS: Have you noticed how women get bored with men who meekly allow  themselves to be used? I've seen so many men of that type get dumped  over and over again . (TUSH! SOLID HIGH EARNING HUBBIES DO NOT GET DUMPED! POOR SCHLUBS WHO WON'T PAY THE BILLS DO!) Well, don't say I don't print the other sides' views. I DO.