FISHING LESSONS --or --How to PICK UP A MAN

When the stars are in fabulous alignment and Venus is trine Uranus, you want to hit the places where YOUR FAVE GUY would PROBABLY be found. For me that would be a USED BOOK store as only rich idiots use Barnes & Noble. Or a cafe near a WRITER's GUILD MEETING so that when it breaks up and all these brilliant men adjourn to have coffee.......I'm there at the patisserie having pie and my next husband, hopefully. Or maybe I'm at the political reform OCCUPY group, our L.A. Calif  local chapter. Can't go to the NEW AGE book store, BODHI TREE, it closed after 30 years. But I could go to Beverly Hills Brooks Brothers -- (high end men's wear). Or an R.D. Laing Lecture on PSYCHOLOGY.  Or maybe I sign up for a class in STOCKS & Bonds at Beverly Hills High School, ADULT NIGHT SCHOOL division. That's cuz I like rich and brainy but your tastes may be different.

The spinster whose clock is ticking must work it so that she can dig up l00 frogs to date --as that's the number you must cull through to find one prince. So, you first pick your spot your LUCKY FISHING HOLE and then you go out looking terrific, ready to flirt with and hook a TERRIFIC catch.  Bait? You dress to the max, perfectly groomed. You smell good. That's the outside. But the inside, your brain has to be ready with the  DETERMINATION to use a "MEET-CUTE-MEET-QUICK"  method that shows originality and intelligence. But the precise LINE that you use, the pick up line stays unknown til the last minute as you cannot know what your angle of entry will be as you cannot know what he will be doing when you meet him.

So just learn the art of FOCUSING. You will  have to HONE IN ON what he is doing or buying and do it fast. Say he's buying a shirt. You are going to have to POP UP: "pale blue won't stun the TV cameras as much. White burns holes in film. I assume you're on TV." He won't be able to resist that opening. "Why do you think I'm on TV?" he'll ask. "I think I've seen you there" you answer with an air of TRUTH. YEAH TRUTH! You gotta lie like a rug to do this FISHING THING. Remember, a white lie that hurts no one is better than a TRUTH that hurts many.

Say you spot him at the produce counter and he's handling a big celery? That means he cooks. I know, it's it's hard to start a conversation out of nowhere but it can be done if he's doing something that makes you have a THOUGHT about him. I'd just extemporize: "you must COOK. It's rare that a man buys celery. Do you chop it and put it in with the onions at the beginning? Or into the stew later?" or "What are you making? You must really cook well. " Let yourself be surprised that a man can cook.. Or say "you must be a healthfooder to eat that stuff cuz the only way I'll eat a stalk of celery is with sour cream DIP." A joke about yourself. It's too early to joke about HIM. So you joke about your own foibles.

I particularly like the cheese counter as that's really aromatic, heady conversation. Cheese discussions take experts to be done right and the added bonus is, you can play dumb in which case Cheese conversation will make him feel knowledgeable. Say "you must know cheeses.  Which is a fresh, fairly sweet one? A full fat? --I live dangerously." and you grimace as you can't actually wink. "The proof is, I'm asking a total stranger for cheese tips.  (Smile and feign embarassment.)

This all came up when I was emailing a Chinese Singapore born friend in London who'd just let the handsome HUNK of her LIFE get away. You had a perfect rap there: "Do you know I come from a country that hasn't had a cheese in five thousand years. (Well the Tibetans make cheese but fairly few chinese make cheese. We're Milk allergic. Except for tribes who keep yaks, most Asians are." But the deal is, you know, come up with some fascinating rap. HIT HIM FAST and quick, startle him, overpower him with your essence. Smile and say NOTHING trite. Nothing banal.

I told the chinese girl who saw the great looking man in the cheese section of Harrods Food halls, a super posh Supermarket, "you lost this fish as you didn't strike on the line fast enuf. Time you take fishing lessons!" She e-mailed me back; "there simply wasn't time. I saw him picking up some produce....then, next thing I knew -- he was leaving the check out line and I was stuck in my line.

I responded: "Huh? Next thing you knew..." that means you spaced out. You spotted him then spaced out, forgot, and 'next thing you KNOW' you suddenly see him leaving? My dear,  from the first moment that you saw him to time he walked out, how many minutes went by? HMMM? TELL ME. three? FOUR? FIVE? PUHLENTY of time to do a fast flirt.'

Next time, you see a man you like, you say "GOD ... GIVE ME WINGS ON MY FEET. " And the heavens will enable you. For clues as to what to say  FOCUS on what he's DOING. Your question is about THAT item. If he's taking off his jacket, take off yours and say 'I know, it's hot in here."

Work off what is happening and ask your higher source to help you do it fast as time is of the essence. When he takes that shirt to the cash register and focuses on clerk, your animated chatter will not be as interesting.

This method will work for ANYONE but you have to see the wisdom in having a NEW opposite sex chum. Not all women will admit they need a friend. I have a best gal pal who feels 'relationships are either fated or they are not.' She has her nose in the air about going places or doing things to attract new friends. She refuses to go anywhere or talk to anybody and she has a new Mercedes if she wanted to go out. Aside from a quick trip out for groceries, she stays by herself at home looking at celebrities online. (She follows Kate and Prince William avidly.) She refuses to watch TV) or she takes walks alone on a country road. She has done absolutely nothing about socializing for years on end and frankly, time is passing her by. She is not only getting very bored but she is getting BORING and her health is even suffering.  The opposite sex has an actual physical reaction on us of making our youth hormones secrete. So, if time is passing YOU by, start practicing this method. CHECK THE STARS

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