13 Things a Burglar Will Never Tell You
The information for this comes from crime experts and convicted burglars in North Carolina, Oregon, California, and Kentucky. Here's what a burglar won't tell you:
1. Of course I look familiar. I was here just last week cleaning your
carpets, painting your shutters, or delivering your new refrigerator. We
delivery boys make most of our money on this 'other racket.' Or maybe You
met me on Craigs List. I don't spend money on Newspaper ads silly. But that
ad you had giving away the fine TV, trading for those fruit trees, I got to go
through your whole house! THANKS FOR THE TOUR!
2. Thanks for letting me use the bathroom when I was working in your
yard last week. While I was in there, I unlatched the back window to
make my midnight return a little easier. So after you let yard scum in the
house, do go check the bathroom they were in. If anything's unlatched, call
cops in case he's still on the street. yeah right. Better yet, "JUST SAY NO"
3. Thanks for buying my plaintive story about just getting out of
jail for no driver's license, how they took my truck, my dogs and
impounded all three. Thanks for the meal and place to sleep. And
thanks for the fifty dollars to get my dogs out of Pound. I'll use it to
buy meth or crack and be back for the Stereo and TV while you're
asleep cuz hey, I'm wide awake on drugs you bought me so might as
well come back and visit your house while you're asleep!
4. I really do look for newspapers piled up on the driveway. And I
might leave a pizza flyer in your front door to see how long it takes
you to remove it. I figure if you're not back in town Monday, you are
in EUROPE and I can bring pals and move in!
5. If it snows while you're out of town, get a neighbor to create car
and foot tracks into the house, dummie, cuz if there aren't any.....
ho ho ho, Santa's comin' down your chimney!
6. If decorative glass is part of your front entrance, don't let your
alarm company install the control pad where I can see if it's set. Or not.
7. A good security company alarms the window over the sink. And the
windows on the second floor, which often access the master bedroom. It's
not a bad idea to put motion detectors up there too.
8. It's raining, you're fumbling with your umbrella, and you forget to
lock your door -- understandable. But I don't take a day off because of
bad weather. I BURGLE EASIER WET DAYS than DRY!
9. I always knock first. If you answer, I'll ask for directions
somewhere or offer to clean your gutters -- don't take me up on it. Say
you're on long distance call... sorry." Shut door very softly then run to
cops, say 911? There's a guy goin' up and down the street knocking on
doors..." Next, call all neighbors on the street, inform them to be on watch
cuz cops won't come if he's just knocking.
10. I always check dresser drawers, the bedside table, and the medicine
cabinet. Get alot of drugs that way. Funny thing... folks who burgle just LOVE
drugs! Ya wouldn't THINK, would ya?
11. However, I almost never go into kids' rooms. So put a big CLOWN on some
door and "NO ADULTS SHALL ENTER" I won't go in there. That is the room
you want to put the jewel wall safe in. Unless your kids need $ for crack.
12. I won't have enough time to break into that safe where you keep
your valuables. But if it's not bolted down, I'll take it with me. So built in's rule.
13.. A loud TV or radio can be a better deterrent than the best alarm
system. You can also buy a $35 device that works on a timer and
simulates the flickering glow of a television. I'll NEVER come in a house
with THAT thing goin'
14. Last, wanted to tell ya, I just Love the landscaping & flowers -- they tell me you
have taste, and taste means there are nice things inside. Those yard
toys your kids leave out always make me wonder what type of gaming
system they have. Those fine cars with all the goodies lying about
in the back seat make me want to use my sledge hammer on 'em then
I'll just pop the trunks open, glove compartments, then probably go thru your
whole garage seeking winter furs in boxes. Nobody stores fur in a heated house!
If no score, I will break in thru kitchen, try upstairs bedrooms, usual places you keep
bijoux, under bed in boxes, up on second shelf from top in closet. Usually in a big
purse. It's the one that weighs forty lbs that I pull down. Then I riffle for cash
under the mattress and in top bureau drawer.. I'm good. I mean GOOD at being BAD.
15. Teen aged Girls found home alone are my own private property, so think twice
about that one. Have your gorgeous daughter take self defense classes
Get wide angle peep holes on front door, first thing -- a STANLEY, less than $10 with shipping
Works great. You unscrew the old one with a wide screwdriver from the back. It has notches
on either side of the hole. it's like a protruding fish eye lens. I love it. I can see clear
down the hall as far as I can see out the front window. I didn't like my old one because
I saw 2" of forehead at best. Also, it's working great even behind my security door.
Doesn't interfere at all. I let my neighbor who helped me install it "christen" it and look out it
first and he was so impressed that he is getting one for his young sons
to be safe when he is not home.Make your kids use it!
Your house was fun while it lasted, chump.
So was your daughter.<=== BACK TO THE FRUGAL TIPS and CHEAPO LIFESTYLE WEBPAGE
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