A FRUGAL CHURCH MOUSE offers You a frugal CHRISTMAS MESSAGE
Last few years I have asked pals to hand
over any CHRISTMAS CARDS they got which they were going to throw away. ONLY if they
were going to throw them away, mind you. And THIS YEAR, I took that stack of
ritzy Xmas cards, real beauties, glittery,
high tech, high concept, and I scissored off the part where unknown-to-me
people tell my friend “THINKING OF YOU and their signature,” leaving a FRONT.
Stuck it to paper and mailed it out to my pals!
I
used to think that one day in the distant future, people would consider our
POSH pre-World Depression cards to be like VICTORIAN Xmas cards might be to us
today. And my grandkids would like seeing them and realize how posh we lived.
But screw the future. I NEED them right now!
So I cut off the front page with all the
art, silver, gold, brilliant colors, repousse design elements, I glue it to a
new backpiece, a blank piece of recycled paper. Some used to have horoscopes on
one part of the page, some are blank
paper -- as a great quantity of half pieces get sent me by an equally frugal
waste-hating friends. I don't know why she has so many paper tails but she cuts
out the printed part when she prints things and sends me tails. Tails aren't 8
x 10, they're often 5 x 10 but I get stacks of tails. I glue them on -- so the
front piece of GORGEOUS XMAS card now has a blank back end. I use a glue stick.
Very neat. Now you open the card, it's blank. So I print out my poem and Glue
IT ON!
THE
FRUGAL CHRISTMAS CHURCH MOUSE
"IF EVERYONE RECYCLED--
THE XMAS CARDS WE GOT
The clothes we wore last year,
the kettles and the pots
got our used stuff all the time,
prosperity Gods would smile down on us
Cuz we'd never spend a dime
The spoons and forks we eat off
Mismatched still feed quite nice.
I even have a pal who sends
Half used vitamins and spice .
My sweats, socks, PJ's and Nikes
Come from a gal on Boston Coast
Her old flannel sheets and pillow cases
keep me snoring warm as toast.
And drove around with used stuff in their
Car,
and braked for indigent people,
The stuff that's HERE would go real far!
Two owners for every spoon.
Nine owners for every fork.
I'm happy with my hand-me-down tacos
'Long as my friends eat beef and pork!
And I sign it big and bold with a happy
face!
I can’t buy retail gifts for my chums,
not until My Bill Gates thing happens but I promise that the celebration I will
do every CHRISTMAS after my first novel sells….is give a huge blow out Xmas
party. I have my fantasy foods in mind, (mostly they involve homemade HOT pies
with big balls of vanilla bean ice cream on top,) but I plan a big CHRISTMAS
tree and beneath it, a hundred GIFTS and all adults have to bring every child
in their immediate family. Strangers to me is OK. Why is cuz XMAS is for kids,
it’s KIDDIE MAGIC and this gift giving thing blows kids out in the best way and
teaches them that the world is a marvelous place. I’ll tell you how. Imagine
this kid is dragged to some strange house with strange people and the gifts are
being given out and someone calls out the child’s name and suddenly there’s a
real, wrapped gift for THIS KID, in a group of utter adult strangers! Have you any
idea what that does to the child’s mind forever after? HE KNOWS the world’s a
friendly place. Miracles can happen.
So plan to give a gift to everyone
that you expect will show up and have tons of reserve gifts for children or
guests that you DID NOT And get the kid’s name as he arrives, and run fill in
the tag! Do it as they come in the door! This feature is totally over the top
but well worth it as the child never gets over it, not in their entire
lifetime.
FOR OLDER CHILDREN, a COSMETIC BASKET.
The thrift store is your best bet for the underpinnings of gifts for children
age l0-15…..We can’t spend 50$ on a toy for each child, even if one SELLs A
BOOK but little wicker baskets filled with 99c store shampoos, conditioners,
Bath oils, handsoaps. And then hit the PERFUMER DISCOUNTER for “WHITE
SHOULDERS” PERFUME which is so great for young girls. That and the FIRST “SNOW
PINK” LIPSTICK. First mascara.
Paint the baskets PINK with HOME DEPOT
SPRAY ENAMEL and use some glitter & a big roll of cellophane to make them
look like the FANCY celeb baskets which the
ACADEMY gives out at the Oscars to all the back stage participants!) TOTS would
of course have to get TOYS. That’s the only thing they appreciate and they have
to be new, so you can’t get out of one big expedition to TOYS-R-US. Which
eradicate all traces of the Scrooge in one.
The trick with a Christmas party is to
have CAROLS in the air, music. You put your CD PLAYER on with the best
Christmas Carol collections you can find. Johnny Mathis and Nat king Cole….and
chamber music….And you leave it on, all night, until the last guest departs.
Although, I’ll confess, when the party goes on too late, slyly turn the music
down to almost inaudible. Nobody knows why but they are suddenly unconsciously
driven to say goodbye and leave, but they will. And the gift giving doesn’t
stop cuz hey, as you have a second turkey baked and ready, ask everybody, want a doggie bag for
sandwiches tomorrow? And give everybody a container and send them to the second
table in kitchen to fill a doggie bag with stuffing, meat and cranberry sauce
and mashed potatoes set on a very firm plate, then bagged in a big plastic bag
and tied with a ribbon. OVERKILL
right? But if you spread the party’s table with delicious, inexpensive
feast food it shouldn’t cost you too much as we FRUGAL FOLK know how to do
that cheaply! TURKEYS, HONEYBAKED HAMS, they are costly but worth it, and HOME
BAKED PIES of every sort are the Xmas concept. PECAN, PUMPKIN, APPLE are the
most WINTERY. THOUGH APRICOT works well all year round. ALA MODE. Nobody ever
forgets that party!
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