My
daughter brought her nice dinner plane into a dark living room and tripped
over the foot massager machine, pitched forward and so as to not break
her nose, she stuck out & broke her arm. She ran to the Emergency room,
they xrayed it and set it, I'm betting it's near a thousand bucks. We'll
see. I told her, In the future, we'll all need to keep dry plaster powder
and gauze in the house. Maybe some peeled branches or something. I googled
up how we can do it ourselves. Splint sticks exist but anyone could mickey
mouse them, next time they're in the woods. Peel and sand them a bit, just
keep them on hand.Extrapolate from those images which will show you what
you need to mend any break. Splint sticks, gauze, maybe some nice clean
torn up flannel from a nightie to line the thing. Alcohol to sterilize
the area before it gets wrapped in plaster. AND A BIG OLE BAG OF PLASTER!
So if you keep lumpy objects on the floor or have a cat or move around
in the dark? Learn to self splint.
HOW IT's DONE.
a) first, take a hugeamongus pain pill
b.) invite in the janitor or any guy with a strong stomach
c.) say 'harry, will you straighten out this bone for me?
d.) he feels it, scrunches it together, all straight
like a little lining up of the bone. SAY: harry?
dont sweat it.kinda sorta straight is fine. OK If ya think
we got it straight... next step
e.)See that wet plaster there? And those toilet paper rollers?
build me something there.. IMPROVISE
but First we better sterilize my skin
don't want any cooties in there in the dark under the cast.
So get a cotton ball, alcohol.. hmmmm.
See that booze there? That was what I was drinking
when I fell on my face. Cotton ball should do it.
Now, that plaster, get it like pudding.
See those strips of gauze? Use those.
We better line the cast with something like some nice
chunks of soft flannel nightgown. Scissors are right there.
OKAYYYYYY!
Build away Harry. Yer doin' fine. Would you open the
percoset bottle. Shake one out into my mouth, maybe two.
Great. There, the ARM is ALL FINISHED.
HARRY I REALLY OWE YA!. Soon as my arm heals we do
a whole portrait session of you. (my daughter is a pro photog)
D-E-A-R space H-A-R-R-Y
comma. S-O-O-N.....
PEOPLE, Do it this way, no thousand dollar hospital bill, In and out
burger! (As we
say in L.A. where this is the top drive thru burger stand chain. )
ROLL OF FILM 2$ tops, film/ developing of Harry and
his dog! 25$, NEW ARM! PRICELESS! Now, THAT IS MODERN MEDICINE!
Alternative scenario, don't move thru rooms if you keep things
on the floor in the dark.
Though this could happen moving through the forest at night. But few
of us
do that ---.Until the Recession deepens. But here's to SELF SPLINTING!
Pictures at: http://firstaid.about.com/od/breaksandsprains/ig/Broken-Arm-Splint/Secure-Splint.htm
http://firstaid.about.com/od/breaksandsprains/ig/Broken-Arm-Splint/
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