HOLISTIC STYLE
Find out your husband is a bum? A liar? A rat? A two timer? How can you revenge yourself?
EASY! LIVING WELL (and LONG, so lonnng that he's no longer AROUND) is the best revenge. Any intelligent woman with a ratso for a mate should simply replace him with NOTHING. With AIR.
Now, divorce would be the kinder method but sometimes you just can't divorce him as a.) he'll be miserable, b.) he'll kill you, steal the kids, take the house, claim he has no earnings, leave you high and dry without a car... do the compassionate thing. Julia Child him to death. That's right, bite the bullet. You have to strike first! Replace his sweaty, moldy, angry, cheap, cheatin', smelly body WITH plain old AIR.
HOW? That's EASY! FEED HIM BEEF, PORK, BUTTER, CAKE, EGGS, SUGAR and guaranteed, soon there's gonna be nothing in your house except AIR. Clean air. No more foul, husband-y smell. The guy will croak and he's gonna DIE SMILING!
This isn't murder. It's helping an old man to the exit. It's giving him a serious afterthought in the astral that maybe, just maybe, pigging out is not the thing to do next lifetime around. And oh yes, he'll get himself a new body as re-incarnation is a scientifically proven reality, (SEE THIS FILE proving FIRST HAND IT DOES.) The important thing is that before he gets this new body, he will meditate on what a lousy hubby he was and how you fed him so kindly and cooked for him and slaved for him and how he should be nice to his next wife, next lifetime.
So feed the louse to death --only when you do this, you have to make certain of two things. A.) That you are married at least 9 1/2 years as you only get his pension at the TEN YEAR POINT and not a day earlier. and B.) That YOU don't eat a bite of his rich diet.
In fact, you ought to already be a sworn, card-carrying VEGETARIAN cuz you're going to have to watch him slurp gravy on top of greasy meat and maintain your cool. You're going to have to serve pecan pie with whipped cream and not have more than one oz of it, (and never combining it with protein meals, it must be eaten solo as sugar does not combine wi. protein). You're going to have to nibble your watercress salad with tofu burgers like a happy rabbit and youthen your own face and body in the eating of same and LIVE to be a skinny, firm 200 years of age.And attract a fabulous second husband. And that takes looks. Skinny Minny.
Because let's face it, you're NOT YOUNG. You can't exactly DO anything illegal with your soft, old body today, in the condition it's in. Face it. Men have seen MICHELLE PFEIFFER. They don't want you! So tofu and cress for YOU, gal.
LIVING to 120 years of age, and looking sixty at that advanced age is the very same as losing a mate now. If you live to 120. See, 120 yrs old becomes like 70 is now. So if he checks out at say, your 60th year, it's as if you were 12 when you were widowed. Get the logic? If he checks out when you're 75, it's as if you were l8 when you were widowed and l8 is doable if most of your life after he's gone is going to be spent happily alone and rich or with nice people, doing activism groups and meeting socially conscious men, brains in the upper 3% of humanity... and then traveling the world doing import/export with starving third world villages. Fun stuff.
So get started now. BASTE this chicken with fat. Continue with gravy, potatoes, meat, fudge cake --- all in the same meal. SOME people are very resistant, and some aren't and some succumb fast and some don't But not a drop of olive oil, argula and tomatoes for ole fat lip Dirty Harry. Give him ice cream and fudge, lots of chocolate FUDGE, and rich chocolate nut pie and abstain, yourself.
I couldn't do it. Not because I don't believe in killing a louse. I do. But I'm one of those persons who has to eat everything I cook, kind of waste not, want not, I'll just stick it here in my mouth.. I'm a good cook. I have to keep my hands tied behind my back in the kitchen. I can make anything! Eclairs, cream puffs, homemade pasta.
If I had a nasty husband, I'd love to cook lethal hams for him, basted in pineapple juice, create thick sauces for his marbled beef. It would be the happiest of art forms. Problem is, I'd love to EAT the ham and beef with him. Don't know how you could cook a pecan pie for him and not eat half. You're home all day with the leftovers, too. He's not. Could be dangerous. See this is the path for a master. Only a female master can practice mate-i-cide.
Just thinking about it made me write an Ogden Nash type POME about it:
HAZEL THE UNHAPPY WIFE,
TO BE MARRIED TO WOODIE WAS STRIFE,
SHE COOKED HAM AND PUDDING,
FED IT TO WOODIE
AND ONE DAY HE FELL ON HIS KNIFE!
So you see the concept, if AIR would be better than him, if he has no reason for living, if he's mean to the kids, if he gives all his freetime and money to the mistress, give the bastard a golden funeral, one that takes long, paroxysmically delightful, tasty two years to engineer. And the good thing is, you've got two years to lose the extra weight, fix all your health problems, GET YOUNG, get firm, ready for that next husband, so the timing is perfect!
P.S. ERASE THIS!
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Your Freebie Stargazer, Anita Sands Hernandez
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