GUESTS COMING?? EEK! How to Clean a Dirty, Dirty House in Two Hours Flat.

There, all the junk  is hidden. Now for the Bathroom.
Tub. EEK! They'll look in the tub! Jeez. TOILET TOO!

Have you ever had your husband phone home and inform you that friends will be "dropping by" for dinner tonight? Have you ever then looked around at your utterly embarrassingly disgusting home and thought  I CANNOT DO IT. Yes you can. Here's what to do! Put on jeans, tennis shoes and bounce through this:

1.Designate a "junk room." This is where you will put things that you don't have the time or energy to sort through and find places for right at this moment. It could be your garage, your guest room, the hall closet, the attic, your own bedroom. Anywhere will guests will not be looking! Now Start at the front door. With an empty laundry basket in hand move from the front door through the house as if you were a guest seeing what 'she left out.'

Hit the living room, around to the couches, down the hall to the bathroom, the kitchen, dining room, maybe even the patio. Pick up anything that doesn't belong there, that isn't trash. Don't worry or even THINK about putting it where it goes, if you even know where it goes! Just throw it in the basket and keep moving. Stash it in the junk room. Because you're not thinking, just chunking this should take no more than 15 minutes.

2. Now go about with a huge trash bag and throw away old magazines, junk mail, and any other trash that's lying about the house. Take out the bathroom trash, and kitchen trash now. Now that the junk is cleared away this shouldn't take you 10 minutes. Wash out trash baskets you're leaving in the house! Ammonia, a rag on a stick, a toilet brush, your gloved hand, anything!

3. Any stray laundry thats about round up and put in the laundry room, or the junk room. Sprinkle smell good carpet odor eliminator on your carpets (and couches if permissible) Another 10 minutes if that!

4. Now, beat and plump your couch cushions! Also dust your furniture, and polish any wood at this time. Remember, don't dust the things no one will see!

5. Now sweep, mop and vacuum. Open the windows to air out the house! This should take you about 20 minutes or so. Hit the Bathroom with all your chemicals, scrub out tub and toilet and basin. Half Hour.

6. On to the kitchen, load all dishes into the dishwasher, or do them by hand. Dry them and put them away! Another 20 minutes!

7. Spray and wipe down all counters, the stove top and hood, window sills, and any flung around food or gunk that may have ended up on your walls, cabinets, or fridge. Pour a little bleach down the drain, let sit for 30 seconds and then run the water for another 30 seconds. It makes the kitchen smell fresh and clean! Do NOT clean out cabinets or drawers! Not now! This should take you about 10 minutes.

8. Close the windows, and straighten knick knacks, and pictures, set out a few homey scented candles, apple spice is one of my favorites! This will take you about 10 minutes. Go outside, big basket in hand, pick all the pretty leaves you can, flowers, branches if it's Winter. Arrange in bouquets. Ten or fifteen minutes.

9. Sweep the front porch, and rake/sweep back patio if anyone will see it. Another 10 minutes! While you're out there, bring all the spectacular house plants in pots INTO the house, set on platters.

10. LOCK the junk room up so no one can accidentally stumble in on it!! Two seconds!

11. Blow out the candles, leaving match books nearby. Spray entire house with lavendar or floral perfumes, hitting bouquets, fabric, not wood. Go upstairs for a nice relaxing shower. Put on your face and get ready to greet guests! This should take as loooong as you need!

This should get your house ready for guests in about two hours or less! Things that always get me pumped up: put on your running shoes, and blast some upbeat music! There now, that wasn't so bad, was it?