HOW TO TELL IF YOUR BOSS IS a SUPPRESSIVE PETTY TYRANT
(as if you didn't know)
by Nicole Moses, Ontario Canada
Are you working for an oppressive slave driver? There ARE signs, you know.
There are certain patterns of behavior exhibited by these people that will
let you know right away who you are dealing with...
Does your boss talk to you?? When he or she arrives at work in the morning
do they ever ask you how you are doing? Do they ever ask you how your
weekend was?? Do they show ANY interest in you BESIDES the interest related
to what you can do for them? My last employer NEVER asked me how I was
doing, ever! Oh, but he had time to gnaw my ear off about how he went snow
boarding with the fam or did this or did that...BLAH BLAH BLAH. I'm sorry
if you think I'm being cold, but after being ignored daily on a personal
level am I really supposed to care about what this guy did or does?? Sorry,
I don't work like that. I mean really, once you see that someone is so
self-involved and caught up in their own lives to the point where they
behave like their problems are so much worse than anyone else's or their
experiences are just so unique, you tend to get a general bad taste in your
mouth whenever they're around! I know what you're thinking....just because
someone is self-absorbed and impolite doesn't mean they're a slave driver.
(Anita the poster puts this in; By that measure, my boyfriend was a S.P.T. In my
life he never asked me a thing about my life, past current feelings, what I was up
to. NOTHING. Thirty years I took that because otherwise he was very polite.)
But this does...Does your boss treat you as if you were a child?? My last
employer had the audacity to tell me not to talk back to him!! I had to get
him, I said, ¨Excuse me!!!!? Ain't no children up in here! What are you my
father?? Talking about don't talk back...I can't speak??¨¨ It was
Are you getting yelled at by your boss?? And I don't mean the occasional
raising of the voice due to corporate stresses or whatnot, I mean is your
boss a screamer? Does he/she scream at the tiniest little thing? Do they
hold the phone up to their mouth and scream red-faced with veins bulging to
his/her heart's content?? (I've seen this happen.) If yes, BEWARE!! You
may be dealing with an IMMATURE slave driver (but aren't they all?)
Are you toiling away 10 to 12 to 13 hours of your day and STILL getting
screamed at?? Somethin' ain't right if you are.
Do you get interrupted while you're eating lunch (if you even have time to
take lunch)?? This never happened to me personally, because I always let
everyone involved know that I do not play when it comes to lunch...this is
MY time...you must respect my time or deal with the wrath of Moses,
especially if I'm eating something good...back off!! But I have seen it
happen to co-workers and let me just say this: if your boss sees that you're
eating and still bothers you THIS IS A HUGE WARNING SIGN!! I'll tell you
right now, this individual has NO RESPECT for you or your time...Seriously,
the fact that you've already been working before lunch and will do so after
you've finished has obviously gotten lost on this person. In their eyes,
you are a workhorse and they don't really care that you need to eat...they
just want you to work--period!! (ASIDE: the key to this is to come in with
guns blazing!! When you enter a new work situation you must let people know
that you are not playing! Make them respect you from jump!)
Also, if your boss needs to be the center of attention WATCH OUT!! This type
of behavior seems, to me, to be a manifestation of deeper issues and your
boss may need some counselling (No I'm not a doctor, but I do know people).
I worked at a very small company where the boss just had to be in on
everything. This other co-worker and I used to make quick little small talk
while doing simple tasks (i.e. we were NOT goofing off or talking while
important projects were left undone or anything like that, we were good
workers who socialized about 20% of the time). Well, most employers see
this and recognize what's going on and don't freak out. Well, not this
guy!..once he hears talking, he's out of his office in a flash hovering over
desks, hanging around and sticking his nose everywhere giving his two cents
and barking orders just to bark 'em...Just to let us know who's in charge.
It's like, you know what Buddy, you can relax because there's only 6 of us
who work here and we know you're the boss.
The bottom line is this: TRUST YOUR GUT! Like I've told a few of my
friends already, I got bad vibes as soon as I walked into the joint, but I
took the job anyway because I so desperately wanted to make a little more
money! If your boss is hurtful, says mean and cruel things, is consistently
insensitive and rude yet courteous and kind to everybody under the sun
EXCEPT HIS STAFF somethin' ain't right. Chances are you're working for a
slave driver (and a hypocritical one at that).
So decide, are you going to be a robot and just take the loot, not caring
about self respect or integrity or are you going to say to yourself, ¨You
know what , I deserve better than this!¨ and then take the measured steps
needed to get out??
IT'S UP TO YOU!!!!!!!!!
TEN THINGS TO DO IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO QUIT WORK, BUT WANT TO GIVE IT ONE MORE CHANCE, WHEN the BIG BOSS is AN INSANE, BRUTAL MEANIE and he's breathing down your neck and ANY FLINCHING on your part may endanger your job --- by A.S.H.
10) PLAY COOPERATIVE! Smile, take a breath and gather your strength and intuition so you can give them the exact response that they want to hear. If you have time before a meeting or something, PSYCH the boss out beforehand, alone, to have an understanding of him, which will help you during the meeting, to come up with the right answer. This means before hand, envisualizing bosses' wrath, and what he really is doing, intending. As you envisualize him, envisualize yourself listening to him. See or predict what arises in you, what you say, then evisualize what he feels when he hears you. .
When the real meeting starts and Boss starts the ruckus up, keep an earnest, sweet, nodding, listening, attentive look on your face and don't interrupt until he's absolutely not talking any more. When the boss's slamming fist meets chocolate fudge, he calms down. When he meets a brick wall, he gets angrier!
Whatever the boss says, listen to him without interrupting or being defensive. Acknowledge his comments by thoughtfully repeating them aloud in condensed form. After you've heard him out, thank him and mean it. Do not let one nuance of sarcasm enter your tone. Then suggest a followup chat the following week, prepared to show them your progress. And always be sure to say 'good morning', and 'good-night' at the end of the day. And you'll never be second guessing each other again. This will get those communications flowing. This also ensures that the boss can't nag or criticize idly as a way to vent steam --- not if you are going to take every issuance so seriously! He will only use the channel of communication for 'real' stuff.
9) BE A SAINT. If he continues to blast you, ask yourself, what would Jesus do in your shoes, then do it, say it! This might entail a kindly finger wag during a boss-tyrade. Jesus was no wimp, you know. Like, "Al, your eternal soul is watching you wipe up the floor with me right now. St. Peter is with you. Are you sure you want to be saying all that in front of them?" What's he gonna do, call the funny farm squad?
8) BE A RUG- If no other job awaits you outside, be a rug and let them walk on you while you smile and wave or go through the pretense of the first two methods, being a cooperative saint.
7). BE A MIRROR- If the boss is saying ridiculous profane, angry, insulting things or issuing off the wall requests, be like a good mirror mirroring them back to themselves --- even going so far as to repeat the tone in which he said it. "Boss, you mean ' I SUCK AT WRITING ENGLISH '? See, I'd have said it this way, 'Joe, don't ever put writing on your resume. Or 'Joe do spell check puhleeze, Cuz the word 'suck' isn't in the English dictionary and you just used it'. Or "boss? I might have used the word illiterate as in JOE you're an illiterate fuck." Or "Boss, you mean ABSOLUTELY NO personal PHONE CALLS EVER AGAIN IN MY WHOLE LIFE or just the remaining days I'm here at this office??" Saaying exactly what he said but giving it a humorous or ironic spin. This requires a non subservient, non-scared aura in YOU. Rugs can't mirror. Because if you're also being subservient like a rug, and you try to mirror, you will only be reflecting their ugly butt back to them and they are gonna get back at you fast if that happens!
6. A.) AVOID BEING A BLEEDER- If the big boss is like an angry killer guard dog, like say, a Rottweiler, don't ever look wounded like bleeding meat or angry and simultaneously plead for mercy cuz they just go for your throat and finish the job.
6B.- CRY YOUR EYES OUT! If you're a girl, you can be a cryer. Weeping is useful. It jars men to their senses. Weeping means you are sensitive enough not to get angry. Tough folks get angry. Sensitive people feel their pain and are in contact with it. Usually a sadist will not hurt them twice. Sadists like to run around enflaming everyone with anger because they hanker for angry fights they can win.
5. GET THE STORY STRAIGHT- If big boss announces that in his surveillance of methods, he intends to interview OFFICE co-workers, YOU want to debrief them, NOT BRIEF them, first. Be sure you Get the difference. You want their view, opinions and to be given a chance to take their tips. So take each of them out to tea first, your treat, and midway thru the repast, ask, "if I could do things better here, what would I be doing? Take notes and at end of lunch say, "I'm going to incorporate these great ideas. Thank you." And pick up the check with a grateful smile.
4. CONNECT WITH THE STRENGTH OF THE DEITY- If you absolutely still shake in your boots about this guy, you must get your aura strong. Pray/meditate and connect with the heavenly deity you most rapport with. Mother Mary is good. The warrior goddess Durga is good. Jesus is good. Ask for help. Strong aura, courage, knowledge, truth, intuitive hints, tips. Hang picture of that deity in workplace with offerings plate and bouquets beneath it.( If you're that good at praying, pray for bi-lateral disarmament and fossil fuels to be a thing of the past, so the entire planet can breathe.
3.) OVERDO THE BOSS'S REQUEST - When the big Boss indicates he wants us the staff to get his approval before doing ANYTHING let him HAVE it. Ask his permission to go to lunch, go to the ladies' room, permission to hand in our time sheets, permission for EVERYTHING.... He will get so sick of it, he will finally tell you to just do your jobs, without asking him for every little thing.
2.) POCKET A ROCK! A new ager tells us to put a piece of carnelian dispels negative energy; a piece of jet offers protection and a piece of obsidian is grounding, ensures peace. This girl put her stone into a small velvet pouch, which gets stashed in a desk drawer. She said, "Not only did my boss stop breathing down my neck, but I got a raise. Power of positive thinking? Maybe. I'm certainly not going to argue with my success, whatever the explanation." REAL newagers know you have to wear a forty karat or bigger chunk of power stone on a chain at heart chakra level. It protects your aura from anger.
1.) GO FER THE MONEY! Do something so outrageous he has to fire you on the spot. Then you get 52 weeks of HUMAN RESOURCES money and you can kick back and finish that novel. So cast about to find what will throw him into total, frenetic spin cycle. If he's a rageaholic, you cannot do rage back as that's what he loves. What you can do, is wait til a big enough group is present, then indicate to the entire group that 'our boss loves to get us angry, he feeds on it. He is a professional hater." Expose him before a crowd. And do it with amused, wide-eyed elan. Being the butt of a joke is what egomaniac haters hate most. Pray he doesn't beg you all to forgive him so he can go to rage-aholics anonymous because you need to finish that novel! Write ten hours a day and spend an hour occasionally putting your resume up at Monster.com, Hotjobs or Careerbuilder.com (click on URL below, lots of lists of job sites.) I really do know people who got very high paying jobs doing that. Apparently, bosses don't want to pay hugely expensive headhunter fees and they pick up employees there.
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